Forever and A Day
by Destiny's Embrace
Summary: "I'll wait forever for you if that's how long it takes." Easier said than done, especially after hundreds of years, waiting and living with the torment of what could never be. But such was the fate of two people who never should have fallen in love. Timing had never been right, and with the world ending, all Snow can wonder is if it will ever be his and Lightning's time.
1. Chapter 1

**Forever and A Day**

"_T__ime __won't fly it's like I'm __paralyzed__ by it_

_I'd like to be my __old self__ again_  
_ But I'm still trying to __find it__…"_

\- Taylor Swift, "All Too Well"

**Chapter 1**

_Snow: _

"We will see her again, right?" I said quietly, a loathsome quiver of uncertainty entering my voice as my downcast eyes lowered to the ground. Clutching Serah's fragile tear drop crystal inside my huge fist, I tried to cling to whatever was still left of her. She was here; I knew she was because I could feel her in my soul. But lately, she'd been growing further and further away, her presence inside of me going faint, dying out like phone static when two distant calls become disconnected. I could hardly feel her, like she really was gone…

Before I could take back my self-pitying comment, I was jolted alert by the fist firmly wedged into my back. I staggered forward slightly in surprise, trying to turn and look over my shoulder. But she held me steady, pressing her firm fist into my back with more force to prevent me from moving. From all the other times she has punched or slugged me, this aggressive touch seemed almost sincere.

"Don't go there," Lightning said darkly from behind me, her authoritative tone driving into me. Her fist tightened against my spin and I tried to uncomfortably rotate away from her. But she refused to let me off the hook. "No room for doubt."

Despite Lightning's fist still spearing into my back to hold me steady, the tension in my body filtered out of me as my shoulders sagged in defeat. "You're right," I agreed distantly, waiting for Lightning to finally release me. Instead, her voice lightened, becoming almost tranquil and kind.

"We'll see her again. And soon," Lightning said with such conviction that even I was caught off guard by such fortitude. Usually that was my line, consistently met with Lightning's ever prominent growling of disapproval and pessimistic reply. When had she and I changed roles? She dropped off for a long pause, and I was almost about to open my mouth to speak when I heard her voice rise up tentatively above the silence, "You convinced me of that…So stay strong."

Furrowing my expression, again I wished Lightning would lesson her grip. Not just to let me go, but so I could see her face, those eyes, when she spoke. All this time, we had met each other with so much animosity and frustration, resisting and fighting each other so hard like we were each other's one true enemy. But the truth was, we had always been on the same side. All this time, ever since the moment Serah entered my life, we had always been a team. No mattered how we differed on our ways of getting there, Serah was our one and only end goal. And that's all that should have mattered.

Inhaling deeply, I let the crisp Pulsian air fill my lungs as my eyes panned out across the golden horizon. The sky was an eerily pale orange, flushed with hues of blue and pink. Just above where we are standing was home, our Cocoon, adorning the sky as dusk fell around it.

"Don't worry," I said finally, "… We'll finish this, and then go see her together." It's all I can say to convince her, if not myself. Staring out at the translucent sunlight glittering over the untamed lands, I didn't notice that Lightning's fist was no longer pressing into my back until I realized that it had been replaced by something else. Something gentler. I hardly registered that she was even there anymore from her clandestine movements, like her presence was a secret. In a way, it really seemed as though she didn't want me to know she was there.

But she was here with me.

As real as anything I've felt in a long time, I felt Lighting's forehead resting into my back without even hardly touching me. Without glancing back, I knew that she has since stepped closer to me and her proximity sent trillions of shivers through my circuiting. It was oddly calming as my body responded to this novelty; that a person could cause another so much grief and fury while simultaneously blanketing them in an unattainably high level of reassurance and empathy. More than anything, it was just nice having her with me, without either of us saying a word. For once, it was like time had stopped moving and the weight of the world wasn't trying to crush us. It was as peaceful as it got for two people who were supposedly ticking time bombs.

Maybe if I were with anyone else, the silence would have been terribly unnerving and uncomfortable and I would have felt compelled to ruin it. But there was nothing uncomfortable about this. This was real. It wasn't polluted by unnecessary talk in order to feel comfortable, or the usual grandiose speeches about defying our destinies or about saving the world and freeing Serah**. **Because at the end of the day, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, all it ever really was was talk.

We were ordinary people with big dreams and real fears. We were not the heroes, and Lightning had known that all along. She had told me at every turn and obstacle, but I hadn't listened. And she had been right. It was almost strangely endearing, the way Lightning didn't put up with the world and all its bull shit. She was a fiercely independent woman who sought after the truth and had no time to fallacies and facades. When I think about most people, I think about how ignorant or eager we all are to bypass the truth when it is staring us straight in the face. Not to say Light wasn't ignorant like the rest of us, but she was strong enough to face reality for what it was worth and still have the strength to combat it head-on. She was strong, unbreakable…

….But just as human as the rest of us.

She must have thought she was hiding it pretty well, considering the fact that I hadn't responded at all, but I had known all along that she was crying. For the most part, they were silent tears she shed, but what gave her away were the slow, aching breaths that shivered out of her every so often. It physically pained me just to ignore her and pretend that she was fine. But every time I felt tempted to console her, pull her in my arms and tell her that everything would be alright, I thought about how furious and humiliated she would be if I did comfort her directly; how much she would hate me for seeing her at her weakest when she was trying so hard to stay strong. This was all the comfort and reassurance that she could handle getting from another person.

And so I let the silence hold, letting her cry and silently promises her my moral support when or if she ever desired it. For some reason, no matter how Lightning felt about me, in that moment I swore I would do anything for her to stop her pain, and be there long after she no longer wanted it. I would be whatever she needed me to be without asking for anything in return.

After what seemed like an eternity, Lightning stiffly pulled away. "We should head back to camp," she reported, her voice clear and unincriminating. I casually turned to face her for the first time to find her face just as unblemished as her voice. For some reason, I felt compelled to confront her and ask her if she was okay, ut I hesitated too long. Without waiting on my response, Lightning stoically pressed her body away from me as she assertively in the direction of camp.

I hesitate, glancing over my shoulder as I scan the last grains of daylight illuminating this world. When I turned towards Lightning again, I noticed that she has stopped and is watching me inquisitively.

"Give me a while longer, okay?" I called, grinning light-heartedly.

Lightning said nothing, and then turned away again. "Just don't get lost on your way back," she grumbled sarcastically as she walked off.

I laughed, "Will certainly try."

And just like that, I was standing alone again. Facing towards the nearly depleted horizon as the soft balmy breeze blew against my skin, I spread open my hand and gazed down at the small sapphire crystal than is cradled in my palm. The crystal that started the journey that had led me here.

A bittersweet smile tugged on my lips, and I couldn't help but chuckle aloud to myself. Closing my eyes, I bowed my head and tightened my hand around the crystal. For what it was worth, I was grateful. For everything. It wasn't like we were in the clear or anything, not even close. But even now, even if I ended up a Cie'th, there was not a single thing that I would to take or regret.

It's funny to actually think about how much one event can change the entire course of our life so greatly. At every turn, every choice that we make alters and determines what kind of person we will be. Its stuff like that that really makes me wonder about the multiple realities that delicately string together our very lives and existences, all the possible lives could have lived. Had none of this happened, had I done anything differently, what could have been my life? Would I have stayed relatively the same, just taking each day as it came at me and protecting Bodum with NORA? Would I have still married Serah one day and made a family with her had she not been made a L'Cie? And if I did marry Serah in an alternate universe, what kind of relationship would Lightning and I have? Would we still have been sworn enemies, bitter sibling-in-laws who always fought over Serah, had any of this never happened? Could we have ever been anything more than that?

At the end of the day though, they're just what ifs, and thinking about all the possibilities would just drive you crazy. I already had enough crazy in my life at the moment. Not that I minded too much.

Someday though. Someday, everything would prove to work itself out.

I was sure of it.

* * *

We had defeated Orphan, together, and as Cocoon began to fall, our bodies were all turning to crystal. All of it was happening so fast. Gazing across the way urgently, my eyes locked into Lightning's resolute aquamarine eyes to find a stable source to draw my strength. Without gravity holding us down, our bodies began to float and drift freely. Lighting reached out, gripping my hand fiercely as she watched our world crumbling around. Our bodies were still fading in color, shimmering with divine light as bit by bit patches of crystal replaced flesh. Just before we had risen too high, I suddenly realized that something was terribly wrong. It had registered in Lightning too as we both gazed down in horror to watch Fang and Vanille drifting further away from us. I wasn't entirely sure about what they were about to do, but the relentless stabbing at my heart told me that this was their goodbye to us. I screamed their names agonizingly, breaking my hand away from Lightning to reach out for them. But they were already gone and there was nothing I could do to save them. With nothing else that we could do for themto do, the rest of us continued to rise up as we watched the transformation take place. Fang and Vanille had joined hands and in a flash on brilliant light, their two bodies were bond into one: Ragnarok.

Unable to bear it yet unable to look away, I watched on helplessly and gripped Lightning's hand to hold me steady. The weight of my hand must have been crushing around hers, but I just couldn't let her go. I couldn't lose her too. Not now. Not after we had come so far together.

But when we immerged from our crystal stasis, Lightning was nowhere to be found. Panicked, I looked around at who was left; it was just me, Hope, and Sazh. Stumbling forward in dismay, I gawked up at Cocoon, still piercing the sky with a pillar of incredible crystal holding it up. They had actually done it; Fang and Vanille had saved Cocoon and Pulse.

…And Lightning too.

I shook my head in furious protest as I stared from Sazh to Hope. They looked just as dumbfounded and lost as I. My heart pounding in my chest, I stared forward at the crystalized Cocoon. For the life of my I couldn't recall a single thing from before we turned to crystal, and it made me feel sick. Lightning had been right there, her hand in mine. I had made so sure to hold on as tightly as I could. How had she just slipped through my fingers? How had I just let her go?! We had already lost Fang and Vanille. A fresh wave of nausea nearly shook me down to my knees. Had Lightning sacrificed herself as well?!

No... No, she wouldn't. She couldn't. We had worked so hard to save Cocoon. To save Serah. She wouldn't have just sacrificed herself without seeing Serah. She loved Serah more than anything. She wouldn't have thrown that all away.

When Serah finally appeared, my aching heart rose for a moment in pure bliss as I spun her around in painful longing and held her as tightly as I could. But as the spinning stopped and the magic of initial union faded, there was nothing that could ease the blow of no Lightning there to greet her. I had failed them both. I had promised Lightning to never make Serah cry or let her down, and I had promised Serah to reunite her with her sister. And already, I couldn't keep my promises to either of them.

Serah collapsed down, tears cringing down her face as she howled out in protest, claiming that she had seen Lightning and that Lightning had been standing here with all of them. The sobs were suffocating her, and I covered her with my body protectively against the world.

"Serah, I'm so sorry," I whispered, and I despise how inadequate my words are. I held onto her, pressing my forehead against hers as she choked out heavier sobs. "Baby, I'm so sorry." I had tried so hard to fight my way back to her, to prove to Serah that everything would be alright. I had seen the future with all of us, including Fang and Vanille, and Lightning too. We had all been together and happy, free from our curse. I had even seen Lightning smiling, seen how it softened and brightened her entire face. She had looked my way with approval and gratitude, and I could practically still hear her voice ringing over and over in my head when I had thought all hope was gone:

"_You've been a total idiot… but still, it saved me."_

Now who would be there to remind me of being so hothead and reckless? To tell it to me exactly how it was without any reservations? To challenge me on everything I was and believed in and encouraged me to be better? Without Lightning, who would I fight with pettily with? Who would be there to push me to the very edge, and be there to pick me up when I had fallen to pieces? What would I do without my biggest pain in the ass, the infuriatingly detached and anal-retentive woman who was the one person whom I admired and respected like no-one else?

Days turned into weeks, and later years. Life went on like it was supposed to, and we did the same. Hope and Sazh eventually traveled away, and Serah and I settled into our very own life together. With the help of my old NORA buddies, we rebuilt home, New Bodum, by the ocean front. It took well over a year, but soon it became the home of many others; before our eyes, a community was born.

But even as we tried to make the most of it, nothing was ever the same.

Whenever it came to the topic of Lightning, it would be the one thing that Serah and I avoided at all costs. In the first few months, we would always talk about her, trying to keep her memory alive, as well as keeping alive the hope that one day Lightning, Fang, and Vanille would be free of their charge of holding up Cocoon. But with the passage of time, it became evident that talking about Lightning was only making it harder on the both of us. After a while, it seemed best that the only time to talk about Lightning was when Serah herself brought Lightning up. Serah tried her hardest to be brave, busying herself with her work as her dreams of being a teacher finally came true. She became driven by other things, trying to be stronger like her sister, but life hadn't fully been able to move on since the Fall of Cocoon. In a way, it was as though we were still in crystal stasis; conscious, yet unable to speak or do anything really.

But that wasn't the only thing that had grown stagnant. Where there should have been the undeniable excitement of finally being together after so much keeping Serah and me apart, there was nothing. We spent all of our time together at first, seeking support in one another while we tried build the life we had always wanted. Back then, I had just assumed the vacancy in our romance was to be expected due to the terrible circumstances, and so I never thought anything of it. I hoped with time, things would heal and get better. We became busy in our own schedules without either of us really noticing, and it never bothered me in the ways it should have

It was one night a year or so after the fall that what had been bothering me along came at me in full force. I had woken up in terror from a nightmare, jolting upright, sweaty and breathless with the crumpled sheets tossed off. Serah, who had been sleeping just as uneasily beside me, had sat up and dutifully encircled her arms around me as she rubbed my back in slow circles. Her gesture of warmth and affection was meant to be calming, but it had no effect on me. I was restless and perpetually anxious, lost in a place that Serah could not reach. It was exactly the same feeling as when I was on Gran Pulse gazing up at Cocoon and wondering where she was, a time when the two of us were literally two worlds apart. But now, here we were. Now, our bodies couldn't have been closer, and yet we as people couldn't have been further apart.

It was then that I finally realized that what I had been trying so fervently to recapture had never been there to begin with. Or if it had been there, somewhere along the way it had disappeared.

And for the life of me, I couldn't understand why.

All wild passionate romances eventually simmer and become domesticated with companionate love. I knew that, or at least, I knew and had just hoped we would be the lucky ones and that our spark of passion would never go out. But this wasn't the case here. This was… something else entirely. And whatever it was _killed_ me.

Every day I forced myself to endure was a torture as we went through the motions like nothing was wrong or missing. Serah and I were falling apart, and yet neither of us had the courage to admit it. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, but I never seemed to find the right words. The problem was though, there were no right words. There wasn't any way that I could tell Serah, a girl who I still loved achingly, that I was no longer _in_ love with her…

For two years, every day that I woke up beside her and gazed upon her face physically pained me. Every kiss we shared was a meaningless formality, every conversation just words to fill the void. As the days went on, I lost track of the last time that I had been able to get a full night of sleep. Nobody ever noticed because I hid it so well under my usual jovial disposition. On the outside, I was everything everyone needed me to be; their leader, their fiancé, their friend, their moral support, their motivational speaker. But to be completely honest, it was exhausting doing that all the time, all the while living an enormous lie.

For so long, I had been so convinced that everything would go back to normal once we had saved Serah and Cocoon; that Serah and I would get married, have that big happy family, and the rest of our lives would just fall into place the way I had always hoped. So desperately I clung to that vision of the future, and that was the faith that had pushed me through. But my journey to revive Serah had changed me. For the better? I'm not quite sure. But it had changed the very person I was, and now, going back wasn't even an option.

Who really knew though. Maybe I was the same mindless idiot sputtering on about being a hero and helping everyone. Everyone else thought so at least. _"You never change, Snow."_ That was what they told me as they chuckled fondly with nostalgia.

But if I hadn't changed, what had?

* * *

"Hello Snow."

It took me almost too long to register whose voice it was addressing me as my groggy mind came to attention. My eyes widened in shock. I couldn't believe, after all this time, that it was really her.

"Lightning?" I called out, my voice echoing all around us as if it came from a different source other than my mouth. Before she could respond, I closed the distance between us anxiously, only then gazing around in confusion. We were back on the grassy cliff-side on Gran Pulse with the dandelions blowing all around us. It was exactly how I remembered it; the lightning, the warm dusk colors raked across the sky, the subtle heat warming our skin to fight the oncoming chill of night.

Laughing out loud and listening to the sound fill the atmosphere, I gazed upon my old ally with wonder and a little bemusement. I smiled genuinely and wondered how long it'd been that I've felt this relaxed. I've missed this.

But the bliss is short-lived, because it is then that I remembered where we are, and where I should be.

"This is a dream, right?" I asked, almost expecting to get hit for so such an obvious question.

But Lighting's blow never came. Instead, she stared at me wordlessly, her face and eyes giving nothing away.

I cracked a light-hearted smile and made an open gesture with my arms, chuckling at myself slightly. "Aw come on, Sis. I made that too easy for you." I watched her for a moment, smirking again. "What, no snarky comebacks?"

Still, Lightning regarded me blankly, brushing past me as she walked by. Frowning, I rotated my body in her direction and followed her with my eyes to where she stopped. With her back to me, she finally spoke up again.

"I'm sorry for leaving you all and abandoning Serah."

Automatically, I shook my head in dismissal. "Light, don't be." I frowned slightly, unsure for words. Awkwardly, I rubbed the back of my neck, letting my arm swing back down to my side as I strode forward to Lightning. "I guess really though, I'm just confused." I exhaled loudly with frustration, glancing to Lighting once I was standing beside her. Her stoic gaze lowered, like she was avoiding me, as a look of discomfort came over her. Again, I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. "What happened to you Light?"

Lightning lifted her head slightly towards the horizon, still refusing to meet my gaze as she spoke. "After the Fall of Cocoon, when Fang and Vanille sacrificed themselves to save it, the Goddess Etro opened up a gate from Valhalla. Freeing us from our crystal stasis was her blessing to all of us, but that gate opened up a dark rift of Chaos in the space time continuum that dragged me inside all the way to Valhalla. There was nothing I could do. It wrote me out of history so that everyone would assume that I hadn't made it and was trapped inside Cocoon's pillar… In Valhalla, Etro declared me as her knight to protect her against the dark powers threatening to destroy her and time for good."

"…Geez…" I gasped, bewildered by what Lightning said. I knew that this was all a dream, but a strange sensation had come over me during Lightning's tale, like everything that Lightning had said was true. And I believed her without any hesitation. "So everything that Serah said, about seeing you there with us when she woke up, was that true?"

Lightning nodded somberly, finally meeting my eyes. "Two alternate timelines overlapped then when the Chaos swept me away. Only Serah can remember that alternate paradox."

"Oh." I rubbed the back of my neck again, holding my hand there as my gaze scanned the horizon. So many thoughts flooded through my mind then, so many things that I had thought to be true in the past two years suddenly challenged by this new revelation. When I looked back towards Lightning, suddenly it occurred to me how much she too had changed in the past two years. There were certainly bits and pieces of her old self still there, but for the most part, everything about her had changed. I felt Etro's divine power radiating from inside of her. It was beautiful and dangerous, and as gazed upon her familiar face, I found more of a deity than the human solider she had once been.

"Etro is fading away," Lighting explained earnestly, as if reading directly from my mind. "When she called out to me, she infused her powers with me to make me stronger. I still am human… but by how much, I can't be sure."

"Light…" My heart pounded against my ribcage, making it hard to talk. I moved towards her, gazing down upon her. She didn't move, allowing me to critically stare into her eyes. I shook my head, laughing at how stupid and unprepared I was. "I really don't know what I can say—"

"You don't have to," Lightning cut in sharply, her gaze and voice sharpening with harshness. She lowered her voice, making it more sincere. "It's what you can do to help me."

I nodded, my expression however knotted with perplexing confliction. "Um, sure." Quickly, I nodded again and then shook my head. "How can I help you?"

Lightning said nothing at first, holding my gaze as if determining whether or not she could rely on me for whatever she had in mind. "The paradoxes. There's a man named Caius who has been traveling through time and warping events in history to bring about the destruction of Cocoon and the end of time."

"Cocoon?!" I repeated in dismay and alarm. "Why Cocoon?"

"Because if Cocoon collided with Pulse, think of all the deaths that would cause. The flood gates to Valhalla would burst open to guide the souls of the dead over to the other side, which would also allow enough of the chaos of Valhalla to escape into the human world. I'm not entirely sure what it is that Caius is after, but from how it looks, I think he is trying to replicate a version of Valhalla in the human world where time no longer exists."

"So this Caius is the unlucky son of a bitch that's decided to mess with us, huh" I muttered with a dangerous grin illuminating my face, already feeling the adrenaline of a fight igniting in my bloodstream. Nobody messed with my friends and home and got away with it. Especially after we had worked so hard to keep it safe.

A slight frown of disproval appeared on Lightning's face. "I'm handling him away in Valhalla and keeping that dimension safe."

"What, hogging all the fun? That's not fair," I teased, but her expression proved she was not in any mood for our old kind of banter from way back when.

"Snow, listen to me. I need you here in this dimension to undo the contradictions to the timeline while I fight Caius in Valhalla. I need you to protect Cocoon and make sure it doesn't fall like Caius wants. Do you understand me?"

I nodded, "So this is like a divide and conquer strategy."

"More or less."

I smiled, chuckling in my throat. "Well I'm in." My smile grew across my face as I laughed out loud jovially. "Then again, I can't exactly say no when the Knight of Etro herself entrusts me with a job like this. That's how I know it's important."

Lightning exhaled, looking fatigued and beaten down. As I watched her, my face warmed and I couldn't fight another grin.

"See, you can't even deny it," I declared, a teasing laugh rising in my voice, "The fact that you actually called out for help proves that this is something even you're not afraid to admit is too much to handle by yourself. What I can't believe is that you'd actually ask me of all people. That must have really cost the Knight of Etro some of her pride."

"Do you have any other flavor besides arrogant?" Lightning grumbled, a flicker of mock anger flashing in her eyes as she pressed her lips together in a thin line of annoyance.

I grinned, "Of course, but I show this side more just for your personal benefit."

Lightning rolled her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest as looked off into the distance. "Right…"

As my laughter gave out, I let the silence hold for a while, letting it waft comfortably around us. "You know, it's never been the same without you," I admitted finally, keeping my eyes trained out on the horizon. "We kept hoping that maybe one day you'd come back…The only one who was convinced you were still alive was Serah."

Lightning nodded stoically. "I know. From Valhalla, I can see the entire span of time." She paused, turning her eyes on me as I did the same. She looked away again as she spoke, "I never wanted to put Serah through that much pain." I could hear the pain and disappointment unmistakably in her voice. It even caused a ripple of guilt to tremor inside of me as well.

Pushing through my own self-loathing, I came closer to her and rested my huge hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Light, she loves you more than anyone else. If I know Serah, she would not want you to be blaming yourself. Trust me on this one alright. In her own way, Serah knew all along that if you were able to be with her you would have. But once I tell her you are alive and where you are, she can stop worrying. Everything will be fine now Light."

But Lightning shook her head. "You can't tell Serah about any of this."

"What?"

Lightning turned to meet my bewildered gaze. "I mean it Snow. Telling Serah would only make things worse right now. Maybe in the future, but not now. Asking for her help is my very last resort, and until then, I want to keep her safe and away from this."

I knew Lightning was right, per usual, but I didn't have to agree with her method. When had I ever? "Doesn't your sister deserve to know you're alive and that you're trying to get back to us?"

Lightning shook her head stoically. "No. And there's no guarantee that I can ever come back."

"No!" I shouted at her in protest, getting in her face angrily. "How can you say that Lightning. We need you—!"

"I made a vow," Lightning snapped. Her voice was strict and eerily calm, her eyes piercing through me. "I made my vow to Etro, and I will never stop fighting to protect this world from collapsing."

I balled my hand into a fist in frustration. "And you want Serah to be left wondering to the end of time where her sister went?! Dammit, Lightning." This wasn't fair. None of this made any sense.

"It's not about fairness," Lightning admonished, as if my thoughts were written on my face. "The people of this world deserve a future where they can all live freely. The happiness of few is not going to determine the fate of all mankind. That would be true unfairness." Her aquatic eyes burned into me with smoldering rage, "Do you honestly think I want to be doing this to her? She's my sister! I'd never want to hurt her for anything in the world."

"And withholding the truth from her wouldn't?!" I opened my mouth again to retort more, when my own words slapped me upside the head. Stunned, I silenced myself in the shame of my hypocrisy. In my own withdrawal of the truth, I had been essentially doing exactly what Lightning was doing now to protect Serah from getting hurt.

Lightning didn't seem to notice, using my silence to her advantage. "I trust Serah more than anyone else and when the time is right I will make my presence known to her. I know she will understand my reasoning. You just have to trust that I know what I'm doing."

Grudgingly, I kicked at the earth. I sighed, shaking my head, "Yeah. I guess so." After a long pause, I then added, "Dammit, you better be right."

Lightning nodded stoically, keeping her gaze solemn and low. "I'll do my best on my front. And I'll do my best to give you as much guidance as I can."

When I finally looked her way again, I caught her just in time to see her beginning to walk away.

"You're leaving?"

Lightning turned around to face me again, her expression unreadable. "I can't stay here forever. Eventually I need to go back."

I frowned thoughtfully, "Are you the real Lightning?"

She shook her head. "A projected image from my mind. The real me is always fighting in Valhalla. But all of these thoughts and the things I've said are real."

I smirked sadly, "A day's work is never done, eh?"

Strangely enough, my poor joke evoked a slight chuckle from her. "It would certainly appear that way."

Following, there was a long hindrance of silence, dragged out by the reluctance to leave and the unwillingness to admit that there were no words that could ever get her to stay.

"For what it's worth, it really does mean a lot to me that you're trusting me to help you," I swallowed, giving her an earnest smile. "I mean that from the bottom of my heart." When she said nothing, I laughed a little to myself, "I mean, for all intents and purposes, you did kind of hate me. And I probably deserved it too no doubt, so I'm sorry."

Lightning frowned, shifting her weight as she held my eyes critically. Finally, she looked down, shaking her head albeit sheepishly. "Snow… I," she looked back up intently. "I never hated you."

Even though a part of me knew she was being serious, I couldn't help but chuckle. "Really? You sure about that?" I laughed more, "Because from the way I remembered it you literally wanted to punch me senseless for being with your sister."

"That'd be saying you had any sense to begin with," Lighting retorted, her wit just as sharp and fast as her namesake.

"See what I mean," I laughed good-naturedly, closing the distance between us again as I nudged her childishly.

Lightning rolled her eyes, and for a split second, I could have sworn I saw a smile twitch on her lips. "You just make it too easy for me."

I grinned shamelessly. "Maybe, huh."

Gazing down at her then, I realized that I had never really noticed how many colors were in her eyes. For the most part they were blue like Serah's, but in Lightning's I saw piercing shards of blue, green, and gold all swirled together in an ever changing kaleidoscope of colors.

I smiled sadly, exhaling slowly. "I missed you, Light."

Lightning said nothing, her face vacant of any emotions even as my hand came up to stroke her taut jaw. I lowered my hand back down to my side, my eyes still locked in hers. Lightning relaxed visibly once I was no longer touching her.

"I'm sure you've moved along just fine, Hero," Lightning deflected sarcastically.

Ignoring her, I raised a hand and gently caressed Lightning's cheek again, feeling the velvety softness of her skin against the pads of my fingertips. Lightning continued to stare into my eyes unblinking, her expression cautious and guarded. Only this close, could I see the pure dread and terror glowing in her eyes, feel the tension building in her body against my faintest touch. She was paralyzed, taut as stone.

Slowly, each motion a tentative step of inquiry, I dusted her long rose-colored hair from her spellbinding eyes, brushing it behind an ear as I let my hand gently glide down the length of her silky hair, my eyes never leaving hers.

As my touch fell away again, a whoosh of air expel from Lighting's mouth softly as she forcibly pressed her hand against my sternum, trying to wedge space in-between us. Her eyes flickered up into mine with unyielding defiance, a menacing glower that looked like pure hatred. But she did not intimidate me. Not anymore.

Daringly holding her gaze, I stared back at her with just as much defiance, electric shocks of emotion rushing through my veins like fire in my blood. And I knew that she felt it too as her lips parted invitingly and her insolent eyes became hooded with desire.

We stared on breathlessly, masochistically letting the excruciating tension hold until our lips finally crashed together in the pull of the instinctive, irrepressible desires that had been denied all this time.

And in that moment, we had crossed the point of no return.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Lightning: _

Adrenaline. Fire burning through my veins. Electricity crackling on my lips, and descending with frightening velocity into my lower abdominal. My body clenched around it, wanting to hold onto this high for as long as it could.

I was intoxicated for sure, but in that moment my mind and senses had never felt sharper, more perceptive or alert. I was focused…Until a single thought destroyed any illusion of lucidity I may have had.

Serah.

I couldn't tear myself away fast enough as the horror engulfed me. Sucking down an enormous mouthful of air once my lips broke connection with Snow's, I instantaneously pushed Snow away, staggering away from him with a wild, almost feral look of anguish and revulsion burning in my eyes. I stared at him, my eyes demanding answers that I knew I didn't really want to have answered aloud. Or worse, perhaps I already knew the answers I was searching for…

What just happened? What had we done?

Suddenly, I felt very, very drunk and could barely keep myself upright without staggering and losing my balance. The ground was shaking, my stomach twisting, and my head buzzing… thoughts ricocheting against the inside of my skull like a violent pinball machine. Oh God.

How had this happened?! How could I have possibly ever let THIS happen? And why? WHY?

In a brief moment of clarity, I glared treacherously at the man in front of me. The man who was to blame for all of this.

"What the hell was that?!" I demanded, springing forward and aggressively jostling Snow backwards with both palms. Snow's bright eyes widened and his mouth fell open stupidly in protest. Incoherent, staggered attempts at words tumbled out of his mouth, and I didn't want to hear any of what he possibly had to say. There was no excuse for this. I shoved him more forcefully, gripping the front of his shirt in my trembling, angry first as I sneered in his face. "What the HELL is wrong with you?! You go on and on telling me how much you're in love with my sister and then you go and kiss me like that?! What kind of—"

"Lightning—"

"Just shut up!" I shouted back, my grip on his trench coat tightening as I shook him sharply, "Just—" We locked eyes then and something inside me responded to the intensity in his eyes, but I ignored it. It didn't matter. And how dare he just stare at me so stunned and victimized, like he was surprised or like he had done nothing wrong. He had done everything wrong, from the very beginning. That came as no sudden surprise to me.

Grinding my teeth, I forced my eyes away to break the connection. For good measure, I gave Snow one final jerk before pushing him away from me.

How could he have done this? In that moment, I had never felt more stupid or played. Had I really fallen for Snow's unfailing devotion act for Serah after all? At every turn, I mistrusted Snow—loathed him for brainwashing my little sister, but little by little, I had found moments when I thought I saw something genuine in Snow and his Hero routine. I stupidly grew to trust him; hell I gave the guy my blessing to marry my sister, the only family I have left in this world. He went to all those lengths… just to cheat on my sister with me of all people! He had deceived me and worse, he had betrayed and made a fool out of Serah.

Worse than that, his stupidity had caused me to betray my sister as well.

I felt sick, tainted, and just as unfaithful as Snow.

Shaking my head with silent fury, my head finally swiveled in Snow's direction. I heard him speaking, the rising, defensive panic in his voice, but his words fell on deaf ears. I didn't need to hear what he had to say. Not a single word. As always Snow was nothing but talk, and nothing he said meant a damn thing or changed what had just happened.

Mutinously, I gawked at him as he waved his arms in dramatic gestures when he spoke, as if it added some sort of emphasis to what he what he was hoping to convey. Honestly, it just made him look like a total idiot. I let him go on looking like the idiot he was for a moment more while I tried to collect some cohesive thoughts. Distantly, a part of my mind was listening to what he had been saying this whole time:

"Shit…I, oh shit, Light, I am so sorry—oh my, what…w-what have I done?" He at least had the decency to look completely mortified, destroyed even at the impending realization. But it wouldn't come close to the look of devastation that Serah would have one her face when she learned the two people she loved the most had betrayed her in the cruelest way possible.

Recovering slightly as he shook his head furiously, Snow went on, "Lightning please, I know this is bad…. But Light, you gotta believe me. I would never intentionally hurt you or Serah. Never. You have to know that! I just couldn't do that—wouldn't. Wouldn't or couldn't… But that doesn't matter because I am the worst fiancé and brother-in-law ever… oh God, Serah… Light, I-I don't know what came over me just then… and I care about you both so much. When you were gone, we both broke a little inside and everything changed. I missed you so much, and I—"

"Serah," I finally interrupted him, danger approaching in my tone. "You're with **_Serah_**. _My sister_," I reminded him sharply, enunciating carefully and placing harsh emphasis on the latter half of my sentence. Not that my point would make it through Snow's thick skull. My glare continued to burn through him, willing him to look uncomfortable under my scrutiny. "My sister," I repeated with hostility, "The girl you were so madly in love with when you asked her to marry her. Remember her? The girl who loves you and is wearing that same exact engagement necklace." I jerked my skin in the direction of Snow's engagement necklace he was wearing around his neck. The one he had been wearing while kissing me and completely forgetting about my baby sister.

Snow looked at the engagement pendant, an expression of queasiness overcoming him. Upon seeing this corporal reminder of his promise to Serah, everything about Snow seemed to shift. He seemed terrified of the necklace, and I saw him shaking, his whole body quivering and wired.

For some reason, I got a sick thrill out of seeing him like this.

"Serah," I repeated, knowing full well the effect hearing her name had on him as I took a bold step forward. Snow looked back up and held my stare. "You do still love her, right?" I mocked threateningly.

"Of course I do!" Snow cried out loudly, pain and hurting flooding his eyes and never leaving. If I didn't know better, I would have really thought he was being earnest.

Narrowing my eyes on him, I folded my arms disapprovingly. "Wow, you seem really torn up about this," I mocked insolently.

"Lightning, stop it!" Snow snapped back, genuinely angry. The same pain and hurting in his eyes from before was still there, if not more pronounced. "Do you honestly think I would ever want to hurt Serah like this?! I love her."

When he said that, something snapped inside of me. Something I couldn't control as my arm coiled back and my fist collided into Snow's face and sent him spiraling into the ground. I had never punched Snow harder than I did right then, and there wasn't the slightest trace of grim satisfaction as I watched the disorientated Snow try to pick himself up. I didn't wait for him to climb to his knees before wailing on him again.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, barely recognizing my own voice as I glared at the fallen Snow. He wasn't even bothering to get up anymore, just lying on the ground in defeat listening to me ranting on. I couldn't stand him. I hated him. I hated Snow Villiers so much. "Just stop talking! NO MORE! Do you have any idea what love is? Do you, you big jackass?! Don't you dare tell me you love my sister! You promised to marry her, to make a family with her, and then you just tear all that away from her! What the hell is that?!"

For a long time, Snow said nothing. He wordlessly came up into a sitting position, his eyes trained down at his hands. A second ago, I would have given anything to shut him up, but now his stony silent pissed me off to no end.

"Answer me!" I demanded hotly.

Silence greeted me at first, and I would have hit Snow again had he not finally turned his head in my direction. Our eyes locked, blue on blue, and my beating heart staggered when I realized tears were glazed in his eyes. I recovered deftly, clenching my trembling hands into fists at my sides as Snow's voice registered in my brain.

"What do you want me to say?" he snapped back. He was angry, but the tears coating his voice made his voice come out garbled and strained. "What could I possibly say that would make any of this better? You've already made it clear that there's nothing I can do or say. I know that I am wrong. I screwed up and I won't ever deny that."

Snow stopped, shaking his head as his wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. With clean eyes, he faced me again, renewed emotion and determination on his face. "So just hate me." Snow's eyes watched me, provoking a challenge, "Go ahead, just keep hitting me. Blaming me to make yourself feel better until you realize that you're just as guilty as I am."

Acting without really listening, I went into full attack mode. "I'm guilty?!" I repeated, my fury going through the roof. How dare he. "You think that's some kind of an apology? Saying that you're wrong, and then accusing of me of being wrong too, as if that releases you from blame?!"

"We both kissed one another, Light," Snow pointed out.

At that, I wanted nothing more to punch Snow into the next century. But all I could do was stare at him with dumbfounded anger, my mouth falling open ever so slightly.

"What are you talking about?' I demanded.

Snow exhaled, shaking his head with a tinge of reluctance. "Light—we kissed each other. It wasn't just me; it was mutual. You kissed me back, and wanted to do it just as much as I did."

"Stop," I ordered. I wanted him to shut up, to never speak again. I didn't want to hear any more of this. My head was feeling dizzy again as I remembered the buzzing I felt on my lips, the tightened feeling in my stomach when—NO! I shook my head obstinately, "How the hell could you possibly know what I wanted? You're wrong."

I waited for Snow to contradict me, but he didn't need to. I did that all on my own. The seed had already been planted, the realization spreading its toxic throughout my body. But…But it was impossible. I would never have wanted to kiss Snow in a million years, and not just because he was my sister's fiancé.

"I don't even like you," I retorted as I stared at Snow, my face scrunched in repulsion. He had risen up to his feet in front of me watching me with a shell-shocked expression.

Snow mouth tightened. "Yeah," he agreed quickly to match my disgust, "And I don't even…like..."

I prayed to Etro or to whatever god or goddess who was watching that I had merely just imagined the quivering hesitation in Snow's voice. Was it also my imagination that Snow's reluctance to say he didn't like me made my heart pound uncontrollably? I shook my head, shutting down immediately. This had to stop right now. "Serah. You're marrying Serah, my sister. That's that. And you need to leave right now to be with her. I need to leave," I said urgently, turning away and quickly marching away.

"What?" I heard Snow shout, hastening to catch up to me, "Lightning, wait! Shouldn't we talk about this first?"

I couldn't have whirled around faster to face him. "There's nothing to talk about Snow," I told him with bewildered eyes, my voice coming out strained like a shriek. My expression hardened stoically, "Nothing happened. Just drop it."

But Snow refused to let the conversation go, "Me kissing you is not nothing, Light. And it wasn't just an accidental kiss dammit; it was feeling. We kissed for a reason."

"It doesn't matter why it happened," I growled back. "It was a mistake and won't ever happen again. Like I just said, nothing happened."

If Snow was trying to keep his cool, he was, per usual, doing a poor job of doing so. "Nothing happened? Nothing—Are you freaking kidding me, Light? I just kissed you behind Serah's back! What, am I just supposed to not tell her?"

"Yes," I snapped, my eyes darkening grimly, "That exactly what you're going to do. Serah can't know about any of this, the fact that I came to you or the kiss."

"You want me to lie to her?!" Snow's voice was getting progressively louder. I watched him levelly, our facial composures clashing dramatically. "How is that any way to start a marriage off on?"

"That's not my problem. Maybe you should have thought off that before."

Snow shook his head, "Lighting I—I won't do that to Serah."

"You can," I cut in forcibly, "And you will…" I swallowed, my lips pinching together in a thin, tight line "…because all of this is just a dream anyways."

Snow blinked with misunderstanding, a frown forming on his face as he gazed around us at the same exact Pulsian cliff top that we had stood upon together two years.

"A dream," he repeated finally, his voice responding from a distant place that sounded far away from both of us.

I nodded stoically, mentally willing my heart to stop racing. "That's right. You'll wake up, and then you'll realize that none of this actually happened. That all of this just occurred in your head. All this will ever be is just a dream." Maybe if I said it a few more times aloud, I'd actually believe it were true. That although it seemed real, this was only just a mirage and the real Snow and Lightning had never kissed… We hadn't, and I knew that now. We were physically worlds apart from one another. Nothing. Had. Happened. And now I just had to stop overthinking this…

Inhaling deeply, I steeled my eyes on Snow's. "Nothing ever happened, and nothing ever will. Not ever."

Snow didn't say anything, his eyes searching my face as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Finally, he nodded solemnly. "Okay then." He lowered his eyes and folded his arms for a moment, and I stayed where I stood. A snort of laughter came from Snow and I narrowed my eyes at me as he looked back in my direction. He was wearing his usual crooked, charmers grin, "So if this was all a dream, then why the hell did you have to hit me so hard?" he demanded mockingly, dramatically rubbing the spot I had punched him. "I mean, come one Light, I may be asleep, but—ow—it still hurts you know."

"You still deserved it," I retorted flippantly with a roll of my eyes. I paused, turning away from Snow and pressing my back to him before speaking up again in a low, solemn tone. "Come morning, you won't feel a thing. It didn't happen, remember?"

Snow stopped rubbing his at his bruise, frozen in mid-action as an unsettled expression briefly took hold of his eyes and caused a slight frown to dent his mouth. But it was only for a short moment, because before I knew it, that same stupid effortless grin was back on his face. "Yeah…" he said almost wistfully as his eyes lowered away from mine, "I guess you're right, Light."

* * *

_Snow:_

She had been here with me.

Thoughtfully, I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling as the sweet syrup of sleep leisurely left my body. Everything around me seemed ambiguous, and I couldn't even be sure if I was really awake. My body was still and more peaceful than it had felt in a long time, and my mind still felt fairly fatigued and indolent. But I was awake, and one thing was absolutely for sure: Lightning was alive and had come to visit me last night in my sleep.

I couldn't hear the words she had said to me, but I felt the unmistakably stern, husky timber of her voice vibrating within my memories; I could just see her silhouette and her haunting aquamarine eyes watching me beyond my closed eyes.

I exhaled, my peaceful respite ending as a nervous anxiousness nibbled away at my wistful half-conscious state. Now I was awake and alert, and more than anything I was filled with a sense of urgency.

Why had I dreamed of Lightning? What had she come to tell me? I knew it was something important, but for the life of me, I just couldn't remember.

Roughly, I dragged my hand across my face, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Ugh. What I wouldn't give for a little more sleep. I had felt so well rest just a moment ago, but now it felt as though I had barely slept a wink. Exhaling, I let my hand flop down next to my on the mattress top and gazed back up at the ceiling.

Still nothing. It was like my mind was completely blank. Or rather, like someone had torn a page out of a notebook, leaving just the tendrils of paper shreds in the binding behind that gave a vague clue that something was missing. I knew what I was trying to remember from my dream was important, but I just couldn't remember!

Knowing that sitting around restlessly wouldn't do me any good, I made the decision to get up and start the day. Maybe, I hoped, the memory I was reaching for would come back to me once I was no longer trying to pursue it so intently. But as I began to climb out of bed, my gaze fell upon the petite woman curled up on the other side of my bed. Serah. Her back was to me, her long wavy pink hair fanned out across her pillow and part of my pillow as well.

The sight of her now caused a strange queasiness. It was normal for me to wake up feeling guilty when I saw her sleeping next to me, knowing every day we were living a lie we were too scared to confess to. But this…this unnatural amount of guilt and disloyalty. This was very new.

My heart and soul ached, and I so badly just wanted to reach out and touch her. She was my bride-to be after all. But I just couldn't bring myself to actually do it. What was happening to us? Where had our love gone? We had been so in love, and I had so easily seen myself married to Serah for the rest of my life and raising a family with her. And I had every intention of giving her all of that and more… but it broke my heart that what had once been such an idyllic fairytale now seemed like a life sentence.

Didn't Serah and I care enough about one another to be openly honest about the state of things and cut our losses? Didn't the fact that we had to put our wedding on hiatus speak for itself? If we wanted to be married, we would have done it already. But there were always excuses that kept pushing it off.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold this up for the both of us. But I didn't have much of a choice, now did I?

But for now, I needed to get away before the guilt ate me alive. Careful not to make a sound as the bed shifted under my weight, I stood away from the bed and padded out into the hallway. The NORA house was half-lit, which meant I wasn't the only person who was awake at this ungodly hour—most likely Lebreau judging by the fresh pot of coffee was already brewing in the kitchen. I sighed aloud. It was roughly six o'clock, a time my body is naturally predisposed to get up at. Serah would be up within the hour to get ready for school and prepare her lesson. The fact that she had her students and teaching to fill her days eased my guilt some days, knowing that it genuinely brought her happiness. Even if I couldn't be the one to provide her with happiness, Serah deserved to be happy.

Feeling unnerved in the silent house, I made my way outside, standing at the top of the doorway steps that met with the beach. The sun was jutting out over the ocean, illuminating New Bodhum as the morning approached. I hopped down the steps, the squish of the golden sand trapping in-between my toes as I crossed the beach towards the restless water. The crisp air was filled with salt-coated, nostalgic memories that brought me back to simple, oblivious days spent on the beach back on Cocoon. Where had those days gone? Two years seemed practically like an eternity.

My eyes gazed down the coastline, watching the curve of its shore as the water lapped at it tenaciously. I didn't normally start my mornings this way, but for some reason I felt compelled to go for a run. Maybe just to blow off a little steam. After all it was a perfect morning to do it, the air temperature just right and the sun not too high in the sky just yet.

Retreating back into the house, I found a pair of basketball shorts, a T-shirt, and my pair of running sneakers, lacing my feet into the shoes once I had reached the entryway steps again. Already sitting down on the steps, I extended my legs, stretching as I climbed to my normal height and doing a few lunges before setting off on my run.

My pace remained a steady jog along the shoreline, close to water, the waves licking my sneakers if I was not quick enough to leap over them. But besides the water-logged heaviness in my shoes, I felt weightlessly free, untouchable like nothing could catch me. I lose track of how far I've run, embracing the stiff burn in my calves as they propelled me forward. Eventually, I lost sight of the beach as well as the terrain changed from sand to grass. Here, I could feel the hard impact of my sneakers rhythmically slapping the hard earth. Sweat slithered down from my temple, another driblet skidding off my brow. I was exhausted, but I didn't stop.

Whatever it was that I was so desperate to run away from kept me from stopping to catch my breath. And after a while, the asphyxiating ache in my lungs expired, and I no longer felt any pain at all. And it just felt good.

* * *

_ "__Don't you let her down now, you hear me?"_

When I finally turned back for home, I paused for a moment to gaze out at the sea. It seemed more agitated than usual, but the cool ocean breeze blowing onto my face was far to beckoning. Acquiescing its invitation, I stripped down to just my shorts, wrapping my sneakers up in my crumpled, sweat sodden shirt and setting them down on a place higher up on the beach before unhesitantly rushing straight into an oncoming wave. I staggered in the surf for a moment, my body pushed down unwillingly before finally breaking past the surface and sucking down a lungful of oxygen. The initial chill of the water singed against my sweltering skin, but now all I felt was relief.

Ducking my head under the water once more, I smoothed my hair back as I came back up for air, just letting my body bob in the waves that carried me as I kicked my legs beneath the water's surface. I swam for a little while, stretching out my arms and letting them lead for a while, and finally dragged myself back onto land.

Sweeping my hair back, I trudged up onto the sandy back, my eyes searching for my things. But rather than putting my running gear back on when I reached them, I fell onto my back beside them, gazing up at the smoky blue and lilac sky smoldering above me. A dizzy tiredness swept over me, just as potent as the endorphins still pumping through my body, and I closed my eyes.

Again I heard Lightning's voice.

_"__You are getting married, aren't you? Don't you let her down now, you hear me?"_

She had told me that two years ago, giving me her grudging blessing to marry her sister. I haven't the slightest idea why I thought about that moment, but now it wouldn't go away. During my run was the first time I heard it. I thought I had outrun it, but now that I was at a standstill again, Lightning's ominous intimidation had finally caught up to me again.

I was outrun. I couldn't run any further.

_I'm sorry Light_, I thought dismally, _I am so, so sorry I let Serah down. _What could I do? What could I say? We're Serah and I beyond saving? I still cared about her immensely, so that had to count for something, right? There had to be something I could do.

Opening my eyes again, I stared up at the magnitude of the sky, imagining the pressure of being swallowed into its oblivion. After a while, I dressed in my sweat-dampened shirt and tied up my shoes, jogging back up to the house. Serah was already sitting at the kitchen table, blowing on her mug of coffee as Lebreau chatted with her from the stove. The smell of omelets wafted into my noise, and as I appeared in the doorway, the two women smiled in my direction.

"Oh _there_ is our fearless Hero," Lebreau teased, "Your girl and I were about ready to call the authorities and report a missing person."

Grinning arrogantly, I held my head higher and my chest puffed out proudly, "Oh yee of little faith. And what reason have I ever given any of you that your fearless leader needs to be worried about?"

"Hmm…" Lebraeu played along sardonically, "I haven't the slightest idea. I don't who I was confusing you for. Silly me." She winked, smirking at both me and Serah before turning back to her omelet preparation.

Serah was sipping at her coffee distractedly as I moved through the room towards her. Out of formality, I kissed her forehead before taking a seat beside her. "Good Morning," I told her, forging up a warm, affectionate smile.

She met my eyes, smiling sweetly, although I saw the usual weariness that was hidden behind it. "Good morning," she replied, her eyes looking me over. "D-Did you just go swimming?" she asked, a small laugh entering her voice.

I looked down at myself and laughed, meeting her eyes again. "Uh, yeah, I guess I just kind of felt like it," I admitted with another chuckle. "I went for a run too, and a swim seemed like the perfect way to end my run."

Serah nodded politely, her gaze panning downwards to the table top as she gingerly nudged her coffee mug, twisting it by its handle.

Thankfully, Lebreau turned around again in our direction and broke the awkward tension. "So I can imagine your appetite this morning is going to be thrice what it usually is."

In response, I made a mock-hurt face. "Ouch, I take offense to that. How can I be your fearless leader if I'm doing it on an empty stomach?"

As if on cue, my stomach did a low grumble and all three of us laughed, which was really nice. Laughter and our strong sense of comradery were all we had sometimes, and it was the one thing that could always be counted upon to carry us through hard times.

Maybe if we just held onto to that, Serah and I would make it through.

It was quiet while Lebreau cooked until Gadot, Maqui, and Yuj joined us one by one, and having more people around made easier conversation between Serah and I. Serah had no difficulty talking to other people; it seemed the only person she had a problem talking freely with… was me.

I excused myself to talk a shower after I had eaten my full, washing off all the sweat and salt. As I was leaving the bathroom, Serah and I crossed paths as she slipped past me to brush her teeth. I simply smiled to her, but nothing more was exchanged as she closed the bathroom door behind her, shutting me out just like that. Like cordial strangers, we'd acknowledge one another but quickly move on with our own separate lives.

I knew that Serah would have to leave for school soon so now wasn't the best time, but if I could help it, I would get us to have an actual conversation with each other again before this day ended—not just filler small talk. She came to tell me goodbye before she left—leaving without a kiss of course—and I spent the rest of my day working with the NORA gang and trying to figure out what the hell I would say to Serah later tonight.

On top of that, I was still trying to remember what had happened last night in my dream with Lightning. Why was I thinking about her so much today anyway? I suppose I do think of her frequently whenever I see Cocoon suspended by a crystal pillar off in the distance or whenever I heard Serah's stern school teacher voice—they scarily sounded like twins—but never with this much intensity.

In scattered fragments, fuzzy thoughts—I couldn't be sure if they were memories or my imagination—floated through my mind, spoken in Lightning's voice; something about a rift of chaos after the fall of Cocoon, a place called Valhalla, and the Goddess Etro…

None of it made any sense at all.

In any case, I needed to focus on how I would salvage my relationship with Serah and figure out once and for all why we had fallen apart. Lightning and my elusive dream could wait.

* * *

"Hey Serah?"

Serah looked up from the book she was reading. It was quarter past nine, and it had taken all day for us to finally have this private moment for ourselves. I found her in our bedroom, reclined against the headboard of our bed reading. It was hard to gauge by her guarded expression whether I was bothering her by interrupting her reading, but this conversation couldn't be put off any longer.

Exhaling to steady my nerves, I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck once I had cross the floor of our bedroom. "It feels like so long since we've actually had a full length conversation," I commented, hoping she caught the light-heartedness in my voice. It was poorly placed, I know, but I didn't want this already heavy conversation to be more brooding than it needed to be.

Serah nodded solemnly. "Mm," she replied, her eyes flickering back down to her still open book. My heart began to falter until I watched Serah fold the corner of the page she was on and close her book. "Has it been that bad around here?" she asked, lifting her azure eyes into mine. I looked directly into her eyes, but could feel that her gaze was elsewhere.

I released a nervous laugh, "Afraid so." I watched the sad, tentative smile tilt Serah's mouth upwards as I came around to my side of the bed and sat beside her on it. We held one another's eyes for a long time, neither one of us willing to break the silence.

Finally I exhaled, allowing a encouraging smile come to my face as I extended my hand out to Serah. She accepted my hand solemnly and we rested our linked hands down in the space between us on the mattress top.

"So," I started, stalling my words to find the right ones. I ended up lamely settling on, "How have you been?"

Serah watched me quietly before replying. "I've been alright. School has been going really well too. I'm still trying to get through to a few of the kids though."

I laughed kindly, "Just be glad you weren't a teacher when I was in school." That evoked a smile from her, and I went on, "But in all seriousness, I know you're doing a really great job with these kids. I mean, look at how appreciative everyone is for this school house." I squeezed her hand, "I'm proud of you."

There was unmistaken pride oozing from Serah's smile, as well as humility in the rosy hue that filled her cheeks. "Well I guess I'm just trying to do my part with the rest of NORA," she confessed, "New Bodhum wouldn't be anything without you and the gang. You keep us safe and have made this place a haven for so many people. No one's more devoted to making this place better than you."

"It's our home," I said automatically, "And we're all a family here. I'm just doing what anyone would do." I paused for a moment as my face fell suddenly, "But maybe I should have been more devoted to you..." Serah watched my deeply, and I felt my heart constrict in my chest. I frowned, disappointed in myself. "I have time for everything else, but not you."

Serah stared at me, her mouth parted as words began to take form, but she shook her head, her eyes never leaving me, "Snow…I…" Finally she looked away, staring down into her lap before she resumed speaking. "I'm not sure what to say exactly…" she was silent, but I noticed her gaze inconspicuously shift to stare at our linked hands. "…It's not so much that, its…its just everything is different now. I went to sleep and everything was the same, and then when I woke up… everything was just gone."

By everything, I knew she meant Lightning. I held her hand tightly though, waiting for the lump in my throat to loosen. "Babe," I told her softly, "I'm right here. I didn't go anywhere. You can talk to me about anything, you know that right?"

She nodded, looking up to meet my eyes briefly before her gaze shifted over her shoulder towards the window. Serah didn't speak, wordlessly dropping my hand as she slid off the bed and approached the window. I let her go, watching her curiously, watching and waiting until she spoke up a minute or so later.

"She's not trapped in the pillar, Snow," Serah said with quiet determinism. "I know no one believes me, but I can just feel her. Lightning is alive out there."

I cleared my throat, climbing off the bed to stand by Serah's side. She appeared to be in a trance, and I followed her gaze in the direction of the crystalized Cocoon that dominated the horizon line. Serah and I just stood there without saying a word, heavy silence hanging over us like an omen, when finally I heard her voice, clear and deliberate.

"You don't really believe me about Lighting." Serah turned her head, staring up at me intently. If she meant for it to be a question, it sure as hell sounded a lot like an accusation. "That I really saw her that day when Cocoon fell, when she hugged me and gave us her blessing to get married."

We had had this conversation many times during the few weeks after being reunited, and each time it ended in tears of frustration and shouting. Eventually Serah just stopped asking me about what really happened altogether. Until now of course.

I cleared my throat again, crossing my arms uncomfortably. "I don't know," I replied, shaking my head. Whether or not my dream about Lightning being alive and free from the crystal pillar was true, I just couldn't bear to keep disappointing Serah. So badly I wanted to believe what Serah was saying was true... But it just wasn't the truth.

My heart was literally tearing in two as I began to speak again. "But Serah, I was there the whole time. I was holding her hand before we turned to crystal, and she was gone when I woke up. I looked for her, but she never came down with the rest of us..."

The hurt was rising in Serah's eyes, and I felt it in my own. I couldn't hold her eyes anymore, looking back out the window towards the crystalized pillar where I knew the real Lightning resided. Never did I want to be proven wrong so badly in my life

But that was when the dream in full memory returned. No more scattered fragment. It had been Lightning and I standing together on that cliff top, overlooking Gran Pulse. That had been when Lightning had told me everything:

_"__After the Fall of Cocoon, when Fang and Vanille sacrificed themselves to save it, the Goddess Etro opened up a gate from Valhalla. Freeing us from our crystal stasis was her blessing to all of us, but that gate opened up a dark rift of Chaos in the space time continuum that dragged me inside all the way to Valhalla. There was nothing I could do. It wrote me out of history so that everyone would assume that I hadn't made it and was trapped inside Cocoon's pillar… In Valhalla, Etro declared me as her knight to protect her against the dark powers threatening to destroy her and time for good… Two alternate timelines overlapped then when the Chaos swept me away. Only Serah can remember that alternate paradox."_

Holy shit.

Coming out of my dazed epiphany, I staggered backwards erratically and braced myself against the wall. Serah gawked at me in alarm, but I was too overwhelmed with excitement.

"Snow?" Serah squeaked, hastening forward to me, "Are you—?"

"She's alive," I shouted over her, gripping Serah's petite shoulders as I shook her enthusiastically. "Serah I believe you about Lightning!"

That stopped Serah dead in her tracks. She stared at me like a deer in headlights. "W-What?"

"Everything!" I rambled on, my voice growing increasingly louder and fervent, "Everything you were saying about Lightning being there when you woke up, it was true!"

"I-I don't understand…" Serah was still dumbfounded, "Where is all this coming from all of a sudden?"

Like the usual reckless idiot that Lightning had always chastised, I had already said far too much without even thinking about the words flying out of my mouth. It was only now that I also remembered Lightning's strict order to not tell Serah anything.

"Uuhh," I shook my head, searching for some kind of plausible response to slavage the already precarious predicament I had gotten myself into. Then finally I gave up and decided to wing it. "Serah—that doesn't even matter. I should have always believed you from the beginning. You're my bride to be, and therefore I believe you. No questions asked. There's no reason to disbelieve you or think you just made it all up."

Uncertainty was still etched into Serah's features, and so I went on. "Serah, I can't explain it. I know it took me a long time to see it, but I genuinely do believe you now." I took a deep breath, slowing my voice down a bit as I held Serah's eyes earnestly. "I've spent two years mistrusting you on your instincts… and I'm not going to waste any more time."

The disbelief on Serah's face was incredible, but it was slowly thawing into awe. She looked numbed until finally a pure, uncomplicated smile found her face.

"You really believe me?"

"One hundred percent," I confirmed stridently, and at least I knew that Serah believed I trusted her. For the first time in forever she pressed herself against me, embracing me as passionately as she had when we were reunited two years ago.

"Oh Snow," she was saying, and she sounded close to tears. But still so indescribably happy. "You have no idea how much this means to me. Oh Snow, I'm not crazy. I-I knew…Sh-Lightning really was there."

I smiled, my own heart swelling with happiness as I held my little fiancée against me. "I know, baby." Lightly putting my hands on her shoulders again, I broke the embrace, holding Serah at a distance as I met her eyes. Seeing her this happy again, even if it lasted for this brief moment only was worth anything.

Serah smiled gently as she gazed up at me, touching my face affectionately as she concentrated on my eyes. "I love you, Snow."

Grinning crookedly in reply, I craned down to meet Serah as she raised up on her tiptoes, our lips sealing together in a kiss. And that was when I felt it; the spark that I hadn't felt in our obligatory kisses in what seemed like months. It was different somehow; new, transformational, and more potent. Electrocuting, like grabbing hold of a live wire. I had never felt quite so strongly kissing anyone, and now that I had her, like hell I would ever let her go. She was beautiful, and I loved her.

As the kiss ended, our eyes snapped open to one another, and I found myself lost in her haunting eyes. Except… they weren't her eyes. They were close...but they weren't _her_ eyes… they were…_Serah's_ eyes…

My heart constricting with bottomless horror, I realized then and there that the person I had been kissing was not the woman standing right in front of me…


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Snow:_

Still gawking in horror as my bride-to-be stared affectionately into my eyes, I did everything in my power not to think of anyone besides Serah. But it was too late for that.

What had I done?

H-How…

Unable to stand Serah's intent gaze any longer, I forced myself to pull away, perhaps to abruptly because I was no sooner stumbling backwards clumsily. Serah stumbled after me, her hands still holding on my arms, and bumped against my sternum. We staggered in an awkward dance where I was trying to escape and regain my footing simultaneously. Needless to say, I failed at both. Serah laughed, oblivious to the torment stabbing me in the heart when she looked up at me again with those eyes. Granted, how would Serah know that I had been imagining myself kissing her sister while I had been kissing her? Who the hell did that anyways?!

I was too busy berating myself that I almost missed what Serah said.

"A little off your game, Hero?" Serah teased as she steadied herself against me. If it wasn't bad enough, now I was almost starting to hear Lightning's voice instead of Serah's.

I gulped heavily, my throat drying like sandpaper almost instantaneously. I cleared my throat, my voicesounding like a laugh gone wrong when I finally tried to speak. If Serah noticed my unease, she didn't show it at all. Rubbing the back of my neck anxiously, I feigned my usual jovial grin. "Ha-ha, maybe just a bit huh?"

Serah giggled, "Do you need to sit down?"

"Uhh," Roughly, I dragged a hand over my face wearily—mostly to avoid having to meet Serah's eyes—and let my arm drop back to my side. "N-No, I'm fine." I shook my head, looking up without meeting Serah's eyes exactly. "I'm not sure what came over me. I'm sorry. The kiss was fine—great, I'm just…"

"It's okay," Serah replied kindly, intercepting my rambling, "don't worry about me. Just take care of yourself for a bit."

I laughed weakly, hoping the smile I was showing her was much more convincing. "Why is it everyone around here is so worried about me?" I asked in my usual humorous tone.

Serah looked into my eyes thoughtfully—it was painful, but I returned her gaze—, shrugging her shoulders ever so slightly. "You're the glue that holds all of us together and keep our spirits high… I think its only natural we'd worry and care. Without you, so many people would be so lost. Me included." Her words and sincere tone were tearing my heart to shreds, and the sweet smile she flashed me was a complete overkill. "So don't mind us for wanting to make sure you're doing okay."

My jaw was aching, but my carefree grin did not falter. "And I appreciate that more than you guys know." I allowed my grin to relax as I shrugged nonchalantly, "Maybe I just have some things on my mind. But they'll work themselves out." I grinned encouragingly, "They always do after all, right?"

Serah smiled, nodding. We were both silent for a while, and although I didn't want to appear too jumpy or abrupt, I saw my opportunity to make a break for it.

"Hey Serah," I started, trying to pace my words and sound as casual as possible. As if anything about this was casual or normal. "I think I might just need to clear my head outside. A little walk and the night air might help."

Serah bobbed in head, "Okay, sure. Do you want me to go with you?"

"Nah," I told her with a light shake of my head, "But thank you. I won't be gone long."

"Okay, I'll be here."

Judging my Serah's wistful expression, I imagine she was anticipating me to kiss her. But instead I purposefully avoided her mouth and planted a firm kiss on her forehead. Serah lightly gripped my hand, giving it a squeeze as I pulled away and straightened up to my full height. I held her hand in return, smiling to her as I began to walk away. Our touch lingered and I held onto Serah's hand for as long as I could, until I was too far away, and then we let go. We exchanged a smile, and one more just before I was out of the room, and then I turned and walked down the hallway. I tread normally at first, but as I made my way through the house, my pace quickened, as did my heart rate, until I was running and my heart was pounding in my chest, in my head—everywhere—like a thousand timpani!

Once outside, I skidded in my tracks, blowing up sand in my abrupt stop. The cold prickly night air sliced right through me, but I was too animated to shiver or feel the cold. As I glanced around, I noticed the lights illuminated from the neighboring house windows casting a warm reflective glow on the sand. Ahead of me, I saw a couple strolling in the surf, pointing towards the moon and laughing. They didn't seem to notice or seem bothered by me, and I let the couple leave my focused gaze.

Finally I was alone. Finally I was free to examine the horribleness of what had just occurred inside just a few moments ago.

There wasn't any easy way—scratch that, there wasn't any way to describe my state of mind in that moment. Period. Never before in my entire life had I ever felt more confused and anxious than I did right now. Never had I ever loathed myself to such degree…

I just didn't understand. None of it made any freaking sense! What kind of monster dazes out during a reconciliation kiss to fantasize about kissing that person's sister… and then _proceed_ to fantasize about it rather than feeling bottomless shame and guilt?! And I did feel bottomless shame and guilt—hell I felt much graver despair than just that. But for the life of me, the visual of Lightning's mouth on mine and the tingling excitement it gave me would not go away. Why the hell had this happen and—d_ammit!_ Why did I want to experience that kiss again?

I needed to go somewhere I scream in frustration, but there was no place I could go without someone hearing me. But I couldn't possibly hold this in anymore! I was going to lose my freaking mind.

Losing all edge of self-control, I forced myself to wander away from the main beach and New Bodhum. Cliffs and uninhibited wildlife surrounded the beach, and once I was fully secluded, I let out my internal war of rage and disappointment. I didn't want to think about Serah or Lightning. I didn't want to think about the dream, playing on repeat through my mind. But I did; I thought about it a lot and I became so hurt and angry all over again that I could barely stand it. I gripped the side of the rocky cliff, bracing my weight before slamming both fists against the concrete rock in a fit of frustration. The initial impact of my fist colliding with something hard felt good, and it gave me some sense of control. But it wasn't good enough. Again and again, I hurled every screwed up emotion I may have been feeling, enjoying the grim satisfaction that accompanied each throbbing blow.

Finally, I stopped, holding myself up against the cliff wall as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to regain my breath and steal back some piece of sanity. Around me, I heard the bristling sway of the trees, the hissing roar of the sea. With my eyes squeezed shut, all I could see was the darkness of the inside of my eyelids. Except that wasn't all that I saw… Not when I couldn't stop replaying that moment when Lightning's mouth collided with mine!

I kicked at the cliff wall, the memories beginning to swirl wildly. I had lost the ability to determine what was real and what was not. What was going on with me? Was I losing my mind?! Was I really going crazy now—hallucinations and the whole shebang?!

Briefly there was a pang of longing in my heart, a longing for Lightning and—NO!—Just no! These thoughts had to stop! I was engaged! To Lighting's _sister _no less! I loved Serah. Right? No, not just loved, but _love_, as in present tense! Serah and I had been through so much together and I had promised to be hers forever. You just don't say those words to someone frivolously, and then take them back. I had meant it back then, and I still meant that promise. And these crazy thoughts in my head weren't going to derive me from being with Serah. No way in hell. It had just been a dream and it meant nothing! People have dreams that don't make sense all the time, and this was no different. There was nothing between Lightning and I besides our connection to Serah, and I was in love with Serah. End of story.

…At least, that's what I tried to tell myself.

After a while, I sat down against the cliff wall in the grass, combing through my thoughts as I remembered in full clarity _all_ the events of my dream. Slowly, I worked my way from beginning to end, from simplistic to the more complicated memories.

Lightning had appeared, explaining her disappearance was because of a rift of Chaos and how she was now Etro's Guardian in Valhalla. That had been when she had told me about the paradoxes in time that intended to bring about the destruction of Cocoon. She had asked me to undo the contradictions in the timeline in hopes of saving Cocoon… But she had never said how? And what contradictions? How was I supposed to know where I needed to start looking for them, or better yet, what the hell was I looking for exactly?

Lighting had a talent of being incredibly vague.

Was I supposed to just figure them out for myself? Was Lightning going to guide me in my dreams to these paradoxes?

The thought of seeing Lightning again made my heart rate accelerate and blood run like smoldering lava. I saw it in my mind and felt it everywhere else in my body: the sex cracking in the air, the desire and sense of purpose that came with the kiss, the horror both of us experienced when the kiss ended. Lightning had reassured me it was only a dream and that outside of my dream, that moment we shared was non-existent. It wasn't real… Yet, for something that had only happened in a dream, it felt extremely real. The emotions and the way Lightning had made me feel, regardless of whether the kiss had actually happened or not, had not seemed made-up at all. And maybe that was what scared me half to death.

I swallowed, shaking my head as I tried to keep focused. Serah. I loved Serah. I was marrying Serah. Lightning was my sister-in-law and that was that.

To keep my sanity, I tried not to think about Lightning at all. The kiss had not been the important part of the dream anyways; Lightning had purposefully come to entrust me with a task to protect Cocoon. I didn't need Lightning to tell me how to find these paradoxes. I would go out and find them myself.

But as I returned back to the NORA house, entering my dark bedroom to find Serah curled up in our bed, I suddenly felt hit with another wave of guilt. Not so much about the kiss, but about the prospect of leaving New Bodhum and abandoning all the people I cared about here. Serah had said it herself; everyone here depended on me and looked to me as their beacon. And now Lightning wanted me to abandon all that to go combat these paradoxes in the timeline?

I thought intently as I stripped out of my day clothing, washing my face with cold water to cool me down. Leaning against the bathroom vanity, I held my reflection's gaze. The future of this world depended on me to solve these paradoxes. If I didn't leave, then how would I really be protecting anyone? Honestly I didn't have much a choice. But then I thought about Serah… how much she had already lost, and my heart felt weighed down with more guilt. I didn't want to leave her behind, but I knew Lightning would never allow me to take Serah with me. It would be too dangerous.

In the end, I knew what I had to do.

Crawling into bed and sliding under the covers beside Serah, I tried to ignore the uneasy tightness in my chest. I listened to the bed creak at my every movement to get comfortable, but there wasn't anything I could do. I felt guilty, so painfully guilty that every creak I made during my restless fidgets was going to disturb Serah, so I stopped moving altogether. Hadn't I already caused this poor girl enough pain? Why couldn't I stop torturing her?

Lying as stiffly as a plank, I stared up at the ceiling. Regrettably, the first thought that registered in my mind was of Lightning, followed by a wistful hoping that she would return in my dreams. I wanted to see her…I needed to—

I turned onto my side, curling up as the guilt cascaded over me all over again as I forbid myself from thinking about anything for the rest of the night.

I was an awful human being. I was just a terrible fiancé on top of it all.

* * *

Needless to say, Lightning never returned to my dreamless sleep that night… or any of the other nights over the next week. That was even saying that I actually slept. I mostly just stared up at the ceiling, my head throbbing something fierce and my heavy eyes never finding any solace when I closed them. Sometimes I actually forced myself out of bed and paced around for a while, but even my state of overtiredness, I was constantly wired.

The day after my initial dream about Lightning, I made a trip out to the base of Cocoon's crystal pillar, spending most of that day looking for some kind of a sign. Something I guess. The crystal pillar was really the only thing I had to go off of based on what Lightning had explained about Cocoon's future destruction, and it was as good as any place to start. And that's when I began to wonder if Lightning had spoken to Hope and Sazh about the paradoxes as well. Maybe in her cryptic way she had wanted all of us to join forces again to save Cocoon. Just like old time. Even if that wasn't Lighting's intention, it didn't hurt to go see Hope and Sazh anyway. There were many things I didn't understand…about the paradoxes, and the alternate timeline where she had actually immerged from crystal stasis with the rest of us. Maybe we could all put our heads together and figure something out.

In any case, we were all overdue for a visit.

With an actually destination in mind, I explained to Serah and the NORA gang that I was leaving to try to find Lightning and uncover what really happened that day. It wasn't a lie really, but it was all I could really tell them. Of course Serah and the guys wanted to tag along, but I expressed in the best way that I could just how important it was for them to all stay in New Bodhum and take care of everything while I was gone. That was the absolute truth. I needed and depended on each and every one of them—Serah, Lebreau, Gadot,Yuj, and Maqui—to hold everything together. People had counted on me for the past two years, but now it was their turn to lead. I knew they could do it, and I believed in then.

The only one who still protested against me was Serah. I knew how badly she wanted to see Lightning again, but I was unwavering. It was too dangerous, and I reminded her that her students needed her here. She was hurt, but in the end she discerned that if anyone could find and bring back her sister, it would be me. She trusted me. Which was more than what I could say about myself.

I suppose that's the real reason why I gave Serah my engagement pendant and told her to hold on to it while I was gone. Earlier that day when I was gathering supplies I thought I may need, I had passed by a mirror and noticed the pendant hanging around my neck. Just the sight of it was excruciating. To Serah it was a symbol of my promises of a lifetime of happiness; to me however, it was a symbol of all the promises I had broken and would continue to break as long as we were together. Wearing it while I felt such confliction about my feelings just didn't feel right, and I wasn't just going to wear it for the hell of it. No; if I was going to wear this pendant, I wanted to wear it without any reservations or doubts. I wanted to Serah's in whole…because she didn't deserve anything less than all of my love.

That's why I also made a promise to myself: to end these fleeting feelings for Lightning once and for all before returning to be Serah's husband.

On the eve of my departure, I lay awake with lingering thoughts and questions about the new challenges I would face on my new journey. I felt guilty, but I was excited to traveling and to be back in full blown hero-mode again. It had been a while and I missed it. Whatever lay ahead, I was prepared for everything and anything…

…Except the increasing yearning to see Lightning again…

Yeah, I still was not prepared to deal with that. Quite frankly, that situation was more daunting than battling Orphan.

But I couldn't help but wonder if I would I eventually meet up with Lightning again. In a dream or in real life. At this point, seeing Lightning had little to do with our impassioned kiss. I just needed to see her again. I needed to talk to her about the paradoxes… to talk about _us_, or whatever it was that I was feeling towards her… and to ask her if I was the only one feeling it. Because as sick as all of this was—particularly when Serah was lying right next to me—I had hunch that it wasn't just me.

In any case, seeing Lightning again would set everything in our lives may have been one huge confusing mess right now, but I knew that one day everything would work itself out that the way it needed to. One day, everything would make sense again. Closing my eyes, I kept repeating that in my head like a mantra. _One day everything would make sense again._ Cocoon would be saved once again, I'd bring Lightning home to Serah, and then I would be free to move on with my life with Serah and have that big happy family I had always wanted with her.

One day. And hopefully soon.

* * *

_Lightning:_

From Valhalla, I could see the entire span of time. I was a part of it, or rather, it was a part of me…countless centuries flooding through me. Everything I could sense… even the things I tried so hard to ignore.

Often I watched over my dear Serah. She was so strong, keeping it together and in fact exceling despite the sadness I had imposed in her life. First I had left, and then I had taken Snow away from her as well. Temporarily of course. I had no intention of keeping Snow... and _certainly _not romantically. He was all hers, and personally, I wanted little to do with that stubborn idiot.

I watched over Snow as well, tracking his journey while I continued my fight in Valhalla. He never really changed. Wherever he went, he was relentlessly gregarious and arrogant to the point of nausea, outdoing himself with his selfless hero routine and going out of his way to help any person he encountered. If anything, he had only grown to be more dangerous and irresponsible since last time. Even I didn't think he was stupid enough to be made a l'Cie again after everything we went through, but no. He _chose_ to be made a l'Cie again.

He was so infuriating! What the hell was wrong with him?!

Regardless, it didn't matter. The situation with Caius Ballad was growing more and more precarious each day, and time was of the utmost essence. Against my better judgment, I knew I needed the help of the one and only person I could ever consistently count on: Serah.

I knew I had no other choice, and our chance to save the future of the world was now. I felt it the moment a young man called out to me. Noel Kreiss. He was the last person in existence at the end of time. He drifted, following the flow of time straight to Valhalla where he found me. I had seen him before in visions, fighting by Serah's side and protecting her. I knew what had to be done, and so I ordered Noel to find my sister and together, for them to change the future. They were my last hope.

Gazing over them watchfully, I felt a bit more at ease. Serah finally knew the truth about where I was and what I had been doing all this time. Finally, she had been granted the peace of mind I had withheld from her for her own protection. But all my fears could never be put to ease. There was still so much risk, and I felt all of them rippling through the timeline each time Serah and Noel undid another paradox and changed the future. I did not want to think about the possibilities should Serah and Noel fail.

The other main source of my unease were the lingering memories my last encounter with Snow, and how it would affect Serah if she were to ever learn about what had happened. But it hadn't happened. Yes, nothing had _actually_ happened. But that still didn't stop Snow in his never ending pursuit to get my attention. He would literally shout up at the sky, out in the open, demanding I talk to him. Other times, like just when he was about to go to sleep, he would softly repeat my name, asking for my guidance... Or in his exact words: _"Light, I need you."_

He was so desperate to talk to me, but I wouldn't have any of it. Did he honestly think I had nothing more pressing to do than sit around and answer his frivolous and idle questions? Besides, I already knew what that stubborn idiot would say and ask me, and I didn't want to hear it. There was no point. He was practically the most cliché human being on the planet besides being the biggest egotist. I admit, he had redeeming qualities here and there, but not anything overtly remarkable. Still… Serah was in love in love with him and intending on marrying. He must have done something right to convince her he was that worthwhile…

Well… up until the moment he decided to kiss me and ruin everything.

I had never been particularly fond of Snow, but still, I could not fathom why even Snow would do something so despicable. Kissing me for no reason at all and betraying Serah. That was low even for him.

Occasionally, his words about mutuality still haunted me… that I had wanted to kiss him in return and _had_ kissed him in return. But I knew his accusations were baseless. Because for one thing, it was just wrong on so many levels…Not least of which, Snow was my sister's fiancé…

Besides, he was upset with himself and his absent conscious, and he needed to scapegoat someone to push the blame off himself. Making me look like I was just as responsible for that kiss was just his way of feeling less guilty and make me feel paranoid. Ha. Well, it wasn't working, because I was well already on to him.

The point was, I would never in a million years feel in compelled to kiss Snow; he knew that and I knew that. There was never and could never be anything between us, and thinking about us being romantically involved was repulsive…

...So why was I still so determined to convince myself that that was the truth?

* * *

_Snow:_

I was startled awake by a sharp kick to my side. Springing upright into a sitting position, ready for a fight, my eyes locked with the menacing glare of my attacker who had been hovering over my sleeping form. All at once, I sensed the familiarity in those aquamarine eyes and my body relaxed again.

"Ahh, long time no see, Light," I grinned nonchalantly, lying back down and folding my hands behind my head as I closed my eyes again. "Took you long enough to finally get back to me. What's it been, a year since we last spoke? That's hurtful, Sis."

Lightning never replied, so I figured that I must have just imagined seeing her—like I'd done many times before—and had slipped back into a comfortable sleep when all of a sudden I felt her harsh grip on my arm as she tore me up from the ground like a deep-rooted weed. Staggering as my feet tried to get reacquainted with standing, I couldn't help but gawk at Lightning. Saying I was caught off guard was a complete understatement. One minute I had been peacefully sleeping underneath the stars, and in the next I was wide awake with Lighting jerking me around. I opened my mouth to speak, when she pushed me again.

"Light—what the—?!"

Confused and startled, I had no idea why she was so furious at me or what she was doing as she roughly pushed up the left sleeve of my trench coat above my elbow. But then the obvious answer came to me, and I exhaled audible before Lighting's antagonistic tone lashed out at me.

"What the hell is this?!" Lightning demanded, jabbing her finger at my l'Cie mark, the one I had recently been given. I sighed again, starting to roll my eyes before Lightning jostled me again. Her eyes burned into me. "Why would you do this?! Tell me! After everything that happened, you really think that making yourself a l'Cie is the right thing to do? Do you honestly think that doing this is what Serah would want?"

I had already known exactly what she was going to say before she had said it, and still she wasted her time lecturing me like I hadn't thought through my decision. Honestly, she was the most cliché person in the whole world sometimes.

"Well? Don't just stand there," Lightning snapped when I hadn't responded.

Exhaling wearily, I glanced down at my l'Cie mark already well into its fourth stage. Nowhere near turning Cie'th, but I was still a cursed l'Cie, same as last time. Except this time, I had chosen this fate for myself.

"Lightning, you don't have to worry," I told her, "I know exactly what I'm doing and I have everything under control." That was not the answer Lightning had wanted to hear at all, and I knew that. I went on, "You might not agree with me, but I'm doing this to protect Serah. I never would have resorted to this if I thought there was any other way because I know the stakes are high. But hey, look at the bright side. Everything worked out for us last time. There's no need to worry," I told her with an easy grin.

Lightening's eyes flared at my nonchalant dismissal. "How can this possibly be for Serah's benefit you moron?"

My expression sobered as I held Lightning's bright angry eyes. "Because when I fell into a time distortion, I saw glimpses into possible timelines. One of them showed me that Serah had died."

The anger in Lightning's face evaporated, being replaced by a complete void of emotion. At least, from what she let me see. But her eyes told me that she had known about this risk, the possibility that Serah would die while trying to change the future.

Trying to keep a tight hold on my emotions, I went on, "You knew that Serah's life could be put in danger all along, didn't you. And now you just decided to let her go in hope of saving the future. How is that any different than me risking my life to be a l'Cie as long as I'm doing it to protect the people I care about?"

Lightning's anger returned, but she still refused to say anything at first. Then her expression changed, her voice low and grave when she spoke finally. "I believe in my sister, and I know how she is. She would have wanted to help, no matter what the risk. I wouldn't ever want to out her in harm. But I truly believe that her and Noel can save the future of our world. If all goes well, neither of them will die."

"And I'll make sure of that," I replied promptly, holding out my arm that displayed my l'Cie mark. "My Focus is to find Serah and to keep her safe. I'll do whatever it takes to find her in the timeline, and I won't leave her side because I'll be fighting alongside her so that nothing bad ever happens to her. I swear to that."

"That won't do any good," Lighting replied stoically, "You can't help Serah."

Furrowing my brow, I stared at her in dismay. "W-What are—no, of course I can. Lightning, I know you don't want to after what happened between us, but you can trust me. I will save Serah."

"No," Lightning intercepted, raising her voice as her razor sharp eyes pierced mine. "I mean you can't help Serah because you aren't meant to travel the same paths through time as her. The Time Gates won't allow you to follow her."

"That's bullshit," I declared, shaking my head heatedly, "Fine. Then if those Time Gates don't let me, I'll force my way through. We've forged our own path before, so I can do it again. Nothing will stop me from protecting Serah."

"Then you'll be wasting your time and still end up as a Cie'th," Lightning countered darkly, her words biting. "This is Serah and Noel's fight, not yours. This has nothing to do with you, and as usual, you jumped to the conclusion that everything would be alright as soon as you jumped in to save the day."

"Well what else was I supposed to do?" I shouted back, finally allowing myself true anger and frustration to show. "I'm not just going to sit back and not do anything!"

"You didn't have to sit back and do nothing, but you sure as hell didn't need to go get yourself turned into a ticking time bomb again the first chance you got!"

"I did that for _your_ sister!" I roared, knowing that from this point on, it was just going to be a yelling match between me and Lightning.

"Yes, and without even giving any consideration to the fact that your Focus would be impossible to fulfill! You're just the same reckless idiot you've always been!"

"Well maybe if you had ignored me and actually told me what the hell I was and wasn't supposed to do we wouldn't be in this situation!" And the thing was, it was it the truth. Lightning was always the one to point the accusing finger at everyone else when they were wrong, but she almost could never do the same to herself and admit when she was wrong. In her mind, it was always someone else's fault for all the things that went wrong. But the truth was that Lightning was the one at fault for putting Serah in danger in the first place, and was also to blame for not detailing me on my responsibilities in this mess.

"It's not my job to baby you," Lightning snapped, scowling indignantly.

"Oh yeah?" I remarked, unable to mask my smart-ass tone, "So what exactly are you doing now giving me this long lecture, huh Light? You certainly went out of your way to visit me tonight to yell at me for screwing up." I folded my arms smugly as I eagerly wait to see what she had to say in retaliation.

Her expression and ever more prominent scowling was priceless, and I could practically feel myself being burnt alive by her seething frustration. I had her stumped, and that bothered her to no end that I had put her in her place.

Lightning turned and strode away, coming to a complete halt a few feet away. I watched her, and finally, after a long lull of tense silence she spoke again in her normal stern, emotionless tone.

"I directed you to end up here in the Sunleth Waterscape, 300 AF." As she spoke, I grew more attentive to her informative words. "In this timeline, there is a paradox I need your assistance with. Its name is Royal Ripeness."

"Ooo-kay, I'm on it," I agreed readily, "Where can I find this paradox?"

"You won't be able to miss it," Lighting said monotonously, turning around to face me again. "Hundreds of Miniflan from another timeline keep being pulled into year, converging into an enormous monster. That monster is slowly wearing away at Cocoon's pillar and needs to be defeated once and for all. That is your paradox."

I nodded, grinning with confidence as I slammed my gloved fist into the palm of my other hand. "Not a problem. That paradox won't know what hit him once I'm through with it."

"It's not as easy as you would think," Lightning corrected, still not raising her voice at me. She looked exhausted and worn down now that I was finally able to get a good look at her since we were no longer screaming at each other. Lightning went on, "You won't be able to defeat Royal Ripeness on your own. Eventually Serah and Noel will arrive in this timeline and will meet you once they have corrected other paradoxes. Only then will the Royal Ripeness be defeated without the surplus of Miniflan resurrecting it." She cleared her throat, her eyes livening again with a sense of urgency, "For the time being, I need you to keep the Royal Ripeness at bay and to protect the pillar. Doing so would not only help Serah on her journey, but also Vanille and Fang inside of the pillar. They are all counting on you."

"And you're not?" I teased light-heartedly.

The stale, weary expression returned to Lightning's face. She exhaled, "I trust you to know what needs to be done by not being _completely_ incompetent."

I chuckled at that, but that smile soon left my face as I watched Lightning turn away from me again like she was about to leave.

"Don't let Serah down, you hear me," she said lowly, in an almost defeat voice. That had been the same exact thing she had told me all that time ago when we were standing on that cliff on Gran Pulse… and then again, echoing occasionally throughout my thoughts.

I knew and understand what Lightning had meant by saying it again to me now, but still it filled with restless nervous energy that I couldn't comprehend. Nor could I let it go.

Just before she was about to disappear, the outline of her body already beginning to shimmer and fade in a mesmerizing haze, I lurched forward after her and before I could stop myself, I grabbed onto her wrist. Lightning's head whipped around over her shoulder immediately, glaring at me foully as she tried to violently shake me off. But I held onto her wrist firmly; not firm enough to hurt her, but enough to prevent her from going anywhere. Even though she was just an apparition, I hoped my grip was enough to prevent this dream from fading like the last one.

"Let me go," Lightning snarled, still trying to tear her hand free.

"I can't," I replied simply. "Not until we talk. You owe me at the very least a few minutes."

But Lightning didn't stop fighting me. "Let. Me. Go Snow," she said dangerously, enunciating each word with lethal clarity. But I refused, wordlessly shaking my head and holding my ground. I had waited for this chance for a whole year and I wasn't letting it just fly past me.

To my surprise, the fuzzy, transparent edges of Lightning's silhouette returned to normal. Still, I didn't deem it wise to let go of Lightning's wrist just yet.

Whirling around completely, Lighting stared me down with her most menacing glare yet. If this was a staring contest, than I would not be the one who blinked.

"I have absolutely nothing more to say to you," she finally told me loathingly, "So for the last and final time: Let. Me. Go."

And at that, I finally released Lightning's hand, watching as an almost imperceptible flush of surprise resonated within Lighting's eyes. "You know," I said, "I would think that Etro's half-deity warrior would be able to easily get away without even having to try. Face it Lightning. I wasn't holding you here again your own will. The reason you're still here right now is because you want to be."

Lighting's eyes widened briefly, only to narrow into slits a few seconds later. Her usual displeased frown deepened. "You're delusional."

I laughed, "Hey, I'm not saying that I'm not. Hell, I've been saying the same thing to myself for the past year." I shrugged, "It's still to be determined."

"Great," Lighting replied, deadpan, "I'll leave you to figure that out by yourself then."

"L-Lightning," I called her, my desperation to keep her from leaving me again rising in my voice. "Please, Light. I don't want you to go—"

"I can't stay—"

"—Then just stay long enough so we can talk about whatever it is that we have between us."

I exhaled anxiously, still disbelieving that I had actually said that aloud after trying to shut it out for so long. My heart was pounding to the point of dysfunction, barely getting an oxygen from my lungs, which also seemed to be failing. I tried to gauge if my words had had any effect on lightning, anything even remotely close to what it was I was experiencing. But she seemed just as stoic as always. Or maybe not. Maybe there was a flush of color on her face and a widening of her beautiful eyes like a deer trapped in the headlights.

Or maybe that was just a side effect of the poor supply of oxygen I was receiving.

I saw Lightning shake her head dismissively, "Snow, I already told you, there's nothing to talk about because there is nothing between us. Don't make me have to say it again—"

But I didn't let her finish. Exhaling a breath I wasn't even aware I had been holding, I took a step closer towards Lightning, closing the space between us. In just one small move, the sparks of electricity I had felt the last time we had been together returned, and in full effect. Boldly, I held Lightning's eyes, watching their color darken as my reflection filled them. Her eyes kept shifting, darting back and forth as if she couldn't decide where to look on my face, and I watched her take a small, nervous sip of air.

Recovering, Lighting shook her head, forcing her head down as she stalked away from me without saying a word. I was right on her heels, practically ramming straight into her when she abruptly whirled around to face me.

"What the hell is that matter with you?" Lightning hissed. "This isn't just some game. You're marrying my sister!"

"Yes," I replied defiantly, although inwardly my heart was groaning in pain and guilt. I tried not to succumb to my guilt and sorrow, but I knew it was soon the only emotion on my face. "Lightning, yes I know that, you…I—" I temporarily had to stop because I felt my voice on the verge of cracking. Swallowing, I took a deep breath and started again, my attitude firm and severe. "Lightning, if you think that I am taking any of this lightly, then please think again, because that is the last thing I would ever do. To you, or to Serah. To anyone for that matter. Do you really take me for that kind of a person? Honestly?" I stared into her eyes waiting for her to respond.

She didn't. But she held my gaze, her eyes frozen within my own very intense stare.

"You don't have the slightest idea how I've been feeling this past year, Light," I went on, my voice more emotional this time, "No freakin' idea. I'm completely torn apart and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing anymore because I'm just so lost! I kept calling for you, because I thought maybe a small part of you cared. Was I wrong about that, because I honestly can't make sense of much else. My feelings about Serah, this whole engagement. None of it."

Lightning still didn't say anything, but was I mistaken or did I see something that resembled my own guilt on her own face? Just like everything else, Lighting's guarded face was so damn ambiguous, and I didn't know how I was supposed to feel or think about her anymore. In my head was that damn kiss. Everything in me was telling me that this was a terrible idea and I should stop right now, but at the same time everything in me was screaming that this was good and not to stop. Could I stop even if I wanted to? Staring into Lightning's spellbinding aquamarine eyes, I wasn't too sure.

Shaking my head, all the grief and anger of the world filled me in that instant. _Why?_ I thought, still shaking my head, _why couldn't I have met Lightning first?_

Exhaling painfully, my entire heart and body sagged in defeat as I spoke again. "Listen, Lightning… we need to figure out what we're going to do... about us."

Lighting's expression suddenly looked especially apprehensive and she frowned, shaking her head for a moment before steadying her eyes on me. "Snow, there can't ever be an us, and you know why." She paused and then went on. "There's nothing to figure out. You're marrying Serah like you promised, and you're going to have to find a way to shut whatever your feeling for me off."

Misunderstandingly, I shook my head. My ears had heard exactly what she had said… But to my heart, her mechanical instructions made absolutely no sense.

"How?" I implored her, still completely perplexed.

Lightning adverted my gaze and exhaled. "You just have to Snow. You told me that you would do whatever it took to help Serah, and now's you chance to do prove what 'whatever it takes' really means." She looked up and met my gaze forcefully, but her voice was quiet and solemnly encouraging, "You just have to shut those feelings off."

"And what, that's it? That's **_it_**?!" It seemed so overtly simple the way Lightning talked about human emotions. But I knew for a fact that emotions aren't a switch that can be turned on and off by command.

She shrugged, lowering her gaze again. "Yes. Just forget all about me and that kiss. Pretend like it never happened and that it meant nothing. Like I was never in the equation at all."

But now she was asking for too much. "Lightning I—I can't do that." I shook my head with quiet anger, and when I stopped, I stared at her, watching as she studied something immaterial to the side of me. _Dammit!_ I wished she would just look at me and cut the crap already!

Lightning's solemn voice then filled my ears, her words sounding almost far-off and mystical. "I'll stay away, and I'll do my part to help you forget. But I need you to hold up your end as well, and not let Serah down. If you care about me at all, then you'll do exactly as I am asking you right now. You can't forsake her." As if she couldn't make the pressure building in my chest any worse, she did. "She needs you Snow… And I do not."

Paralyzed in heartache, my eyes were the only things that followed Lightning as she walked away from me. With her back still turned, I heard her far-off voice echo faintly through my mind as she faded away:

_"__Goodbye Snow. Take care of my sister…"_

* * *

_Lightning:_

From Valhalla, I could see everything.

I could see my sister Serah and Noel battling their way through time and deftly responding to any of the attacks and traps thrown in their paths. I could see their final battle against Caius, where they had won, and I could see as Caius forced Noel's hand into murdering the beating heart of Etro.

What I wished with all my heart that I could unsee was the death of my sister, a vision of the future sapping the very life from her and leaving her lifeless in Noel's arms as the Goddess' murder caused the entire world to fuse with the Chaos of Valhalla. And there was nothing I could do to ever make that right. No way I could ever face the world knowing that I had been the one who had brought Serah to death's door.

It was all my fault. I had been the one who had brought so much pain into Serah's life and stolen away her life and happiness. And then there was Snow. I couldn't even bear to think about him, but the guilt and the pain and the shame of it all was all-consuming. I just couldn't face it anymore. There was no justice or retribution for any of the sins I had committed against my sister. And for my punishment, I became my sister's tomb, frozen forever in a deep crystal sleep…

Until one day when I was forced to awaken again, at the end of time.


	4. Chapter 4

Forever and A Day

Snow x Lightning

**Chapter 4**  
_Snow: _

How long does forever go on for? Minutes? Hours? Years? When does forever begin, and when does it end? I tried to keep track, but just like everything else in my life, time only just slipped through my fingers…eluding me...taunting me… Was there any way to compartmentalize infinity, or was I just wasting my time?

That was before I realized that when you live for an eternity, it is literally impossible to be wasting time. Because time is the one wasting you.

I didn't always think like that. When the Chaos first flooded the world, halting time permanently, I suppose you could say I was exactly the same as I had always been. Yes, Serah was dead…and Lightning was gone…But I still was not giving in to my despair. That was no way to live, and I had never been one to give up without a fight. I had Noel and Hope, and together the three of us vowed to hold this world together.

Was it naïve to think we could withstand an eternity of misery, where nothing changed and lives were poisoned and stagnated? Was I stupid enough to honestly believe that I would be immune from my own pain and guilt?

It's safe to say I underestimated how long forever really was.

They say that time heals all wounds… but the truth is that time will always destroy everything in the end. There was nothing cleansing about time. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would always feel the guilt over Serah's death. I couldn't stop it, and it was my fault. I knew and remembered Lightning's words, that it wasn't my responsibility to save Serah from that fate, but keeping her safe had been—and still was—my Focus. And I failed. For that, eventually I would become a Cie'th. I would one day transform into the monster I felt like on the inside. It was what I deserved, and wasn't going to sit around and deny it. I had let her down, letting her die. But worse, I had let her die without ever confessing all my other sins and atrocities against her. I had betrayed her, kissing _Lightning_ and having feelings for _Lightning_—the person who abandoned me when I needed her most!

…And now I would never have the chance to apologize and tell Serah how deeply sorry I was for everything.

But what really made me feel like a monster was the fact that even through all of that, I still cared deeply about Lightning. After she had so callously discarded me and after everything she had done to me, I still gave a damn! And I hated her for that. I hated her for getting under my skin in the first place, for causing me to fall out of love for Serah, for sacrificing my everything in hope that she wanted to be with me too. But most of all, I hated her because there was absolutely nothing I could do to actually hate her.

But where was she when I needed her most? Serah had died, and she had gotten tired of living and froze herself in crystal. I knew she felt just as guilty as me, if not more so, for Serah's death. She must have felt inconsolable, devastated, lost, confused, angry, guilty! I felt all of that too. Even when I felt the sway of temptation to give in and die, I didn't! I hated myself, but still I forced myself through each day! But rather than facing and living through those emotions with me, Lightning had just run away and hid. Why? That wasn't like Lightning to give in so easily. Or maybe it was. How much did I really know about Lightning anyways? Had I ever really known her? Time twists our memory, blurring everything. What was real, and what was not? I no longer knew what the truth was and was to weary to try. Memories fail me, and suddenly everything becomes irrelevant. Whatever happened between us or what I used to feel for her doesn't matter. All that mattered was that in this here and now, she was not here to live through that pain of loss with me; she left me all alone.

In the end, the pain of losing Serah consumed Lightning, rendering her body perpetually cold and lifeless. Following after Serah impetuously, she had left me behind… left me behind, feeling so broken, so lost, and with no one in the entire world to mend the emptiness of losing not one, but two of the women I loved most.

She didn't care. Lightning never had. The only person she had been thinking about was herself. Her pain. Her suffering. But did she honestly think that she was the only person who was devastated beyond repair by Serah's death? What about me?! What about my pain?! What about my guilt?!

Maybe Lightning had been right after all. Maybe it was better just to forget. What had she said all of those hundreds of years ago when I last saw her? _"Forget all about me and that kiss. Pretend like it never happened and that it meant nothing. Like I was never in the equation at all…"_

She wasn't coming back, so what was the point of holding onto all of these feelings? They did nothing for me but drive me into further insanity. And I didn't want to live with this pain anymore. I didn't want any of it…

So when Lightning appeared before me at the end of forever, I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. Here she was, all the more beautiful than I had ever remembered, and my heart snagged. Anger boiled through me as I felt in full intensity the betrayal that her abandonment had caused me, all the pain and frustration fermented in me during her absence. I had thought I would have been overjoyed to see her. But now that she was here, I wanted nothing more for her to disappear again and to never see her face again. I had thought for so long that I'd never see her face again, and now that was just the way I would have preferred it. Seeing her again had ruined everything.

Coolly confident and determined, Lightning made her way across the crowded ballroom of my palace, parting through the masqueraded crowds of partygoers. And then her aquamarine eyes found me from where I sat in the overlooking balcony, latching onto me with that ferocity I could never forget. I leapt up onto my feet, glowering down at her when suddenly I noticed the outburst of Chaos, swells of it sweeping through my palace. Screams of panic cried out as the Chaos devoured people whole, monsters taking their places.

Unhesitantly, I propelled myself into the fray, calling upon my l'Cie magic as my flaming fist collided with one of the heinous monsters before any more of my people were injured or killed. My magic and strength overwhelmed the beast, and I extinguished its body as I pummeled it into the ground. Its body disappeared in misty weaves of Chaos. But there were still more, one directly ahead of me. I moved to take it on, when suddenly, its heavy body collapsed towards me, dead… slain by the fierce woman with pink hair and haunting aquamarine eyes.

"Snow," she spoke my name calmly, entirely unemotional, which infuriated me to no end. "It's been a long time."

Gawking at her was all I could do, my emotions a hard stiff weight in my chest. I couldn't move, or feel anything.

Lightning stared back, turning her swift blade on me, directing it straight towards me like I was her true enemy. She went on in the same impassive voice as before, "You know who I am, and you know what I want."

Still, all I could do was gawk at her, but just for a moment as I suddenly remembered the threat of monsters surrounding us. Growling with enhanced adrenaline and rage, I lunged towards one of the approaching monsters, bringing it down with ease and crushing its head beneath my boot as my attention returned to Lightning.

"I can take a wild guess," I responded snarkily, hoping my words and tone were just as offensive and insensitive as hers had been, "You want to _save_ me."

Her eyes narrowed on me, but she was soon distracted, twisting out of the direct path of the monster's heavy ax and slashing through it from behind. I watched her, her body moving from ease as she leapt and dove through a sea of our Chaos-bred foes. She looked like she were flying, both her and her blade as quick and as lethal as her namesake. Her strength and her magic was beyond what any normal was capable of… even though she _was_ Lightning.

Yes. I knew exactly who she was.

Before Hope had disappeared, he had explained to me the legends of the savior that would come at the very end of time. Banisher of darkness, bringer of light, redeemer of souls. It was said to be her mission to guide everyone's souls to salvation…

Suddenly seething with all the anger and rage built up for over five hundred years, I couldn't stand it for one more second. "DAMN YOU, LIGHTNING!" I bellowed at her, hurling myself and my fury at the nearest foe as I struck it down. As its body fell, I deftly snatched the monster's colossal ax, freezing the weapon in indestructible crystal and winding up my arms as I took a hard swing at the monster charging towards me. Once the monster had fallen, there was nothing in my path dividing me away from Lightning. Automatically, we lunged at one another, a strange sick, twisted desperation driving me as our weapons locked in a horrible clash. Sparks ignited, and I drove more weight into Lightning's blade, my eyes flaring with murderous animosity as I regarded her, face to face after five hundred years of hell.

"You gonna try and kill me," I hissed venomously, belligerently as my eyes flared at her again, "Huh?!" I was daring her to do the dead, to put an end to me. My voice crackled, booming like thunder as she glared back at me with defiance, her jaw clenched as breathed intently and watched me.

At that moment, another monster threw itself in our direction, forcing us apart as we cooperatively slayed the monster together. But once he was gone, Lightning and I resumed exactly where we had left off. Together, in a violent tango, Lightning and I pursued one another, locking blades and exchanging blows as we parried. We used the ballroom walls and pillars to our advantaged as we sprang from one platform to the next, demolition following in our wake as the architecture crumbled around us. Both of us were fighting with such sharp precision that at any given moment, if one of us were to mess up even slightly, we would be greatly injured. But as the battle went on, it became inexorably clear from the deity-like swiftness and intensity of her attacks that Lightning had the advantage.

As I reeled around wildly, trying to follow her as she zipped around me in a blur of electric crimson, at last she caught me off guard. Her attack collided with me, blasting me through a wall and slamming face down into the center of the ballroom.

Everything in me ached, but I couldn't afford to stay down for a single precious second. Tenaciously clenching my jaw, I dragged myself up into a crouch position. But that was as far as I got before I heard the crisp whoosh of Lightning's blade cutting through the air, the blade hovering over my shoulder. In that moment she could have easily decapitated, but she did not. Instead she did something worse.

"It's over," she told me solemnly, still absolutely no emotion in her voice.

Still catching my breath, I grimaced and, leisurely now, stood to my full height as I spoke in bitter reply. "You're a regular Angel of Death, Light." Her blade was still hitched over my shoulder, and I kept my back to her as I continued speaking, my tone still low and hostile. "So now what? This the bit where you 'save my soul'?"

"I could help you," she said, my blood slowly beginning to boil at her impassive tone and cool attitude, "If that's what you want."

And that did it. How dare she patronize me like this, after everything she put me through these past hundred years. Help me? What the hell could she do? Hadn't she done enough?! "Dammit!" I growled. Whirling around before I could even stop myself, I grabbed Lightning unceremoniously, jerking her towards me with brute force until there was barely any distance between us, "What kind of answer is that?!" We were so close, practically on top of each other, and her blade was held to my neck distrustfully. Both of us were breathing heavily, and suddenly all I could feel were the electric shocks and intoxicating fumes that her proximity gave off.

I glowered at her, still panting, my mouth parted as I breathed her in. Grudgingly, I clenched my jaw, sealing my mouth shut as my face stiffened. Everything about her just pissed me off! Glaring into her eyes murderously, I suddenly noticed the vulnerable emotion creeping over Lightning's entire face. What was it? Terror? Greif? Guilt? Regret?

But it didn't matter.

Steeling her face once again, Lightning stared me down with her usual defiance. Given the chance, I honestly can't say what I would have done with her after this point… but my reunion with Lightning was abruptly cut short by Lumina, a meddlesome little demon that had the audacity to look almost exactly like Serah. Lightning's blade, jinxed by Lumina, crackled down the center, breaking off with a force that sent both Lightning and I to opposite ends of the room.

As I recovered, I looked up to the enormous chandelier hanging above us to find sapphire eyes peering down from it, mocking me. Giggling mischievously as she vanished back into the Chaos the chandelier Lumina had been perched on came crashing down from the ceiling towards Lightning and I. Deftly, I countered Lumina's outbreak, freezing the chandelier in midair and creating a crystal pillar to support it. As I stepped back, I suddenly realized just how much the crystalized chandelier looked like the how Cocoon had once stood 500 years ago…

"I swear that kid is a demon," I muttered to no one in particular, my eyes still scanning the balcony and the ceiling just in case Lumina was still here.

"Angels of death _and_ demons," Lightning's voice brought me back to focus, and I stared at her. She gazed back, defiant as ever and with her half-shattered sword ready positioned battle-ready at her side. "You're attracting the wrong crowd, Snow."

But I was done listening to what Lightning had to say. Already the Chaos was seeping through, swarming around me. On a daily basis, I did whatever it took to hold off the Chaos and to protect the people of Yusnaan from Chaos infusion that grew more potent every day. But still it grew just the same despite my efforts.

Turning my attention back to Lightning, I stared back at her dangerously. "No one is going to stop me," I warned, my voice brash and clear, "Not you, and definitely not her." There was terse exchange of silence between us as the Chaos around me grew heavier "If I have to fight the _savior_, then I will." And with that last threat and my menacing stare, I turned away from Lightning and walked straight into the Chaos.

Lightning of course tried to chase after me, but soon retired. Why, I hadn't the slightest idea.

But the one thing I knew with definite clarity was that my soul could not be saved by this savior. Certainty not after she was the one who damned me in the first place.

**************************************************************************  
_Lightning:_

In retrospect, I'm not sure exactly how I had expected Snow to react upon seeing me again. But that had not been what I had expecting. Not at all. I can barely say that the Snow I encountered was actually the real Snow… or rather, the Snow that I had once known centuries ago…

I suppose that was a deeper, more twisted consequence of the Chaos freezing time. Snow, as well as the rest of the world, didn't look like they had physically aged a day… and yet, nothing about them was the same. He looked like the Snow I had once known, but internally, he had resigned being that person a long time ago.

Why? Out of everyone, Snow was the very last person who I had ever thought would lose his faith in the world. What happened to his nauseatingly stubborn and optimistic disposition, the one that never faltered no matter how bad times became. People like Snow just didn't change, right?

But perhaps I had never really known who Snow Villiers was.

As I went through the rest of my day, saving and assisting as many troubled souls as possible, my mind often drifted back to Snow and wondering how I could have been so wrong about who he was all this time. I knew the hero routine was exaggerated in his theatrics… but had everything else about him, had all of that been a lie too? I remembered back to the last conversation we had shared before the outbreak of Chaos. What had he said? _"You don't have the slightest idea how I've been feeling this past year, Light. No freakin' idea. I'm completely torn apart and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing anymore because I'm just so lost!"_

He was right. I had no idea, and I still didn't.

So was this it? Was this the real Snow Villiers that I had just met, as if meeting for the first time? Was the old Snow… was everything I remembered about him really just a lie? I couldn't decide, which in the end only further frustrated me because I refused to believe Snow was beyond saving. He couldn't be. And if it was the last thing I did as savior. I would save his soul… even if he didn't want me to.

It certainly wasn't going to be the easiest thing to do, especially given that security guarding Snow's palace had tripled since my last stunt to visit him. But if Snow honestly thought that that would keep me out, then maybe he hadn't really known me either…

With a little improvisation and lots of flashy distraction and destruction, I managed to find my way into Snow's Palace again. It was mostly Hope's idea. The plan was for me to find a way topple the main set of Yusnaan's nightly theater spectacle celebrating "the savior". It wasn't too difficult to convince the zany director to increase the amount of fireworks for the show with the hope that the explosions would been enough to send the whole set crashing down. But I didn't just stop there. I still needed to find an inconspicuous way of being on that stage as it fell and my ticket in was be starring as the leading actress as the savior herself. I couldn't have been more perfect for the role, and the director agreed.

All dressed up in my costume, an ostentatious mauve ballgown with a disturbing amount of ruffles, I appeared on the stage overlooking the excited crowds. Fully in character, I addressed the crowds, twirling across the stage with my flaming blade as the fireworks around me exploded in raging, thunderous bursts of color and light. At the climax of my performance, I leapt to the very top of the giant statue of God, slamming my sword into it and splitting it down the middle. As the statue fell, I braced myself and deftly bounded over the palace walls, gracefully landing in the ominously silent and emptied courtyard.

Drawing in deep breath, I gazed up towards the palace, knowing Snow would be inside. But I was ready to face him this time. I had to be. Without any further hesitation, I strode forward, carefully creeping into the palace. Empty. There were no guards anywhere in sight. And no Snow. Occasionally I'd run into a band of monster, but they weren't anything menacing. Higher and higher, deeper and deeper I trekked through the palace without a single trace of Snow. When at last as I reached the top, I stumbled upon a door, frozen over in imperishable ice and sealing Snow inside.

As an icy dread slowly pierced my heart, numbing anything worth feeling, I did not want to fathom whatever it could be that had Snow trapped behind this door with so much Chaos. Hope said that he could still detect Snow was there, so he wasn't beyond saving. There still had to be some way.

Storming around, I followed Hope's instructions and my own intuition as I hurried deeper through the palace. I was always racing against the clock, but now I was hearing another clock pounding against my skull as well. How long could Snow keep holding on? What if I couldn't reach him in time? I couldn't decide whether I was furious, hurt, disappointed… but then I suddenly found the small forgotten pendant, one I remembered from long ago, that was left behind on a table in Snow's room. It was his engagement necklace, the matching one that he had bought for himself along with Serah's.

The sight of it, just lying carelessly on the table, nearly made me sick. But nothing compared to how the queasiness that shook through me as I carefully scooped up the necklace and held it in my own hand. What the queasiness was from… I couldn't say. But I couldn't shake the feeling that Snow had wanted me to find this here. This was sick and twisted, and I couldn't stop thinking about Serah… about how I had stolen her place in Snow's heart without ever meaning to and—no! Shaking my head with silent fury as my grip tightened around the engagement pendant, I took off back for the frozen door. My whole body was trembling as I reached the door, Serah's pendant still clenched in my hand. Snow was right beyond that door… and he knew I would come. He knew I was here. Stilling my breath, my expression hardened with concentration, willing his engagement pendant and all its forsaken and polluted meaning to be what finally cracked the seal on the door.

"After all this time…" I spoke lowly, almost to myself, "You would still turn me away after you've thrown aside my sister as well. You would abandon us both…" I clenched my jaw, steeling myself as I glared at the frozen door as my voice grew to almost a full shout, "I thought it was my job to run away and shut people out! Even after all that's happened, don't lock me out as well!"

In a burst of light, the frozen seal shattered, illuminated shards blasting past me. An anxious gasp fell out of my mouth as I stared at the unbarricaded door, and a grim look of determination took hold of my face. Snow was just beyond there… but I honestly had no idea what I'd really find once I stepped through those doors. But time could not be wasted. Without overthinking anything else, I cautiously pushed the heavy double doors open, striding into a room where I couldn't possibly see anything but swarms of Chaos. But I did not falter or look back, even as the moaning doors closed behind me with a thunderous clatter.

And that was when I heard him, his voice unfamiliar and callous, and my heart lurched strenuously as my eyes locked with his.

"Hey," he taunted, turning around to face him with a menacing sneer, "It's the high and mighty savior. You here to bring God's judgment on me?" I didn't say anything in reply, not allowing my face to register with any traceable emotion as I closed the gap between the two of us warily. Snow went on. "Not like it worked for you before. But you look different this time. Ready to listen to reason?"

I exhaled quietly with exasperation. "Isn't that my line?' I replied with a hint of annoyance. "Looking at this city, I'd begun to worry you weren't the Snow I once knew." Pausing, I raised my head a little higher, holding Snow's gaze steadily with defiance just like old times. "But it looks like nothing will ever change you."

Snow almost smirked at that, but there was no humor anywhere in his face. "Yeah sorry about that. I had to test you though. Had to make sure you were the _real_ Lightning." My eyes widened, and my gaze followed Snow as he strode around me while he continued talking, "So I left behind Serah's pendant and sealed myself up in here. I figured if you were an imposter… you'd never think to use a trinket like that to bust through that seal." Turning, Snow finally faced me again full on and approached me with a quiet, yet dangerous intensity in his voice, "But you knew exactly what that pendant means, and what to do with it."

I held Snow's gaze head-on with the same intensity and focus without letting a single trace of emotion or recognition respond to what he had said. While I could get away with it, I would refuse to acknowledge the full meaning of that pendant.

Shaking his head, Snow gaze turned away from me as he bitterly stared off to the side. Finally, he did look my way again, and the soft, broken texture of his voice stilled my heart. "You really are… our Lightning."

I swallowed, not saying a word as I continued to watch Snow. His body language with me had changed, although I couldn't put my finger on it exactly.

Smirking again, Snow's eye contact broke away from mine again as he stared up at the ceiling. "I'm glad you're real, sis. Now I can put my last worries to rest."

"I'm not your sister," I snapped defensively, the flustered, acrimonious words tearing out of me before I could stop myself. I had always disliked his chummy way of nonchalantly addressing me as his sister ever since he and Serah became engaged… but this was different. I didn't want to hear him think of me as a sister. Not at all, and I couldn't help but hate him a little more for calling me that.

If Snow had noticed my tone, he chose to ignore it as he turned his dangerous gaze back on me. There was something almost feral about him as he spoke. "But you understand like no one else does. I bet you figured it out as soon as you saw that room." He strode past me again, walking towards a large ominous door on the far wall behind me. "It's a prison," he hissed, placing his gloved hand against the door as he began to push it open, "…A nice grave for a monster like me."

All it took was a small little portion of the door to be cracked open for an overwhelming stream of Chaos to break free. As Snow continued to push the door open, more and more Chaos filled the air around us, encasing us, and Snow robotically stepped inside the room. Horrified and compelled by it all, I followed after him, stopping dead in my tracks when I saw with my own eyes more Chaos than I had ever dreamed possible. It was awful, taking nearly the entire room and sucking everything inside of it like a black hole.

"How can there be this much Chaos?!" I demanded.

Snow didn't look at me, his gaze transfixed of the enormous Chaos infusion. "It's pretty hard to swallow, huh? Worst thing is, it keeps on growing." I watched him slowly approaching the center of all of the Chaos infusion, my brow bent in concern as I listened to his explanation, "When I destroy this last infusion, that will be the end of me. I'll be out of power. It's Cie'th time…" There was a sigh in his voice, but he quashed it with a forceful, authoritative tone, "But I'm the Patron. It's part of the job, keeping everyone safe."

If I had any reason to feel beyond worried and anxious, nothing compared the intense fear that suddenly surged through my body as I watched Snow's l'Cie mark light up, glowing brightly through the Chaos. As it glowed, Snow's entire upper body slumped forward and he fell almost to his knees, grunting in deep pain as he clutched his arm. He was still gasping and grunting through the pain as he spoke back to me, his voice beginning to falter more and more. "I've kept it at bay… all this time…You'll protect them won't ya? There's… no need for me…"

"SNOW!" I couldn't stand it any longer. Perhaps it was suicide on my part, but I rushed after Snow. I couldn't let Snow go through with this!

"STAY BACK!" Snow's desperate, strangled cry halted me, freezing my heart in terror as I gawked at the man who I thought I had once known. Snow went on, his shouts becoming more despairing, "LET ME DO THIS! …I'm tired….of being useless…For five hundred years, I watched the world fall into Chaos… I watched it die!" With the same feral-like intensity from before, Snow jerked around in my direction. "I COULDN'T STOP IT!" he screamed, agony and hatred aching in his voice, "DON'T YOU GET THAT?! GIVE ME THIS LAST THING! LET ME MAKE IT RIGHT JUST THIS ONCE!"

Shivers rippled up across my bare skin as I watched Snow falling apart before my very eyes. For the first time I understood Snow bitterness and hatred that he had shown me when I saw him the other day… It was not me who Snow hated… it was himself. But if that were true, Snow would not receive any pity from me.

"Dammit, you're not trying to do the right thing, you running away!" I yelled back at him with rising frustration. I couldn't stand him! How could Snow be this stupid! How could he do this to me?! "You're looking for a way out, a death that's no different than suicide! How can you face Serah after that?!"

Snow sneered at me again, gasping through his pain as his l'Cie mark began to grow even brighter than before. "Say what you want Lightning. But nothing is going to change the fact that I swore to make Serah happy and I couldn't even keep her from dying… Now I'll never get a chance to see her and apologize for—" Cutting himself off abruptly, Snow shook his head with uncontrolled fury and self-loathing, screaming at me again, "THIS IS WHAT I DESERVE! I KNOW IT, AND YOU KNOW IT! SO COME ON, DO YOU'RE WORST!"

In that instant, all of Snow was swallowed inside the center of the Chaos. Horrified and paralyzed, I struggled to watch on as I was almost blown over. Forcibly I shielded my eyes and braced myself for whatever was to come as the Chaos continued growing all the more wild. And that was when Snow's dark and desolate voice consumed my mind, echoing off the walls of my skull and submerging my entire heart in pure dread and despondency: _"I'm sorry…Lightning. I know it's selfish, but I have to ask you one last favor…"_

Around me, I no longer felt the Chaos raging and threating to overtake me. Pulling my arm away from my face, there I saw him, standing in the center of the room where the Chaos infusion had been before. Now it was just him… only it wasn't him. It wasn't Snow all at all.

_"Destroy me," Snow's distant voice instructed, "…Destroy my Cie'th."_

"Destroy you?" I gaped aloud, my entire body faltering and my heart stopping as I almost lost my balance. Wide-eyed in numb shock and disbelief, all I could do was gawk at what remained of Snow. He was no longer human. While he retained Snow's general body structure, gone were all human qualities of life. His body was stained black, and his eyes were now glowing red orbs lasered on me.

My mouth opened, but no words could be produced. Finally getting a grip of myself, bitter anger caved in over me as I gnarled up my face at Snow's Cie'th. "You've got to be kidding! You…" I swallowed heavily, my lungs suddenly not getting enough oxygen to breathe, "Y-You want me to be your sister, and then you say something like that!" Clenching my jaw, I reached for my sword as swiftly as I readied myself, "You're asking too much, Snow!"

Of course Snow didn't respond, and of course I had no other choice but to fight him. But I refused to give him what he wanted. I refused to be the one who killed Snow! Bracing myself, side-stepped away from Snow as his lumbering Cie'th from pursued me. Seeing an opening, I lunged in and attacked on the offensive, instantly being struck by. Staggering away in surprise, I had to remind myself not to go easy on Snow. No matter what, I couldn't afford to go easy on him because a Cie'th knew no mercy. To this Snow now, I meant absolutely nothing to him, and he would go at all lengths to have me killed. He attacked wildly without a conscious… and looking into his possessed red eyes only reconfirmed why I could not have any weakness for him. Any weakness would have me killed.

Kill or be killed. Was that my only option?!

On and on, our battled raged without any indicator of who the victor would be until when at last I brought Snow down to his knees. His Cie'th groaned, swaying unsteadily before plummeting downwards to the floor in defeat. He wasn't too injured from what I could tell—I done my best to assure that none of my blows would be fatal—but he was greatly exhausted from our extended battle.

Frozen where I stood, I watched Snow's groaning and creaking Cie'th form. He looked so miserable and tortured, everything about his form aching for my blade to provide death's sweet and swift release. Looking at him now, remembering all the torture I had already put Snow through, my heart felt conflicted to acquiesce his final request. But I couldn't… I couldn't do it. I had a job to do as the savior to save his soul, but more importantly, I had an obligation to Snow as his ally and friend… And I would not forsake Snow. Not again.

Just as I was about to approach Snow's hunched over, groggy form, I stopped vigilantly as Lumina appeared from inside the Chaos.

"Snow sure is something, isn't he?" she chimed in an offensively mellifluous tone, not even bothering to look my way as she strolled through the room coolly, swinging her arms in an exaggerated fashion as she walked. "He swallowed up all that Chaos and kept it at bay. He sacrificed himself to keep the city safe." Still not fully acknowledging me, Lumina stopped sauntering when she reached Snow, standing right in front of Snow and blocking me from getting to him. Lumina leaned in close towards Snow, touching his shoulder as she examined him at eye level. "And his only reward was to be turned into a monster…"

"How about you do him a favor," Lumina went on with her back still pressed away from me, her passive aggressive tone grating on my last nerve, "Do what he asked. That thing's not even him anymore. It's kinder to put it out of its misery." At last, Lumina glanced over her shoulder at me, as if just to spite me, but her belligerent gaze quickly turned back to Snow. "Yup. Snow's gone. And you know what? The only hope for his soul lies in death." Suddenly, Lumina spun around and paraded towards me. "Oooh, so that's it," she cooed dramatically, "Oh, that is good. I bet he became a Cie'th right now because he wanted _you _to kill him."

But I was done listening to that stupid, meddlesome child, cutting past her to Snow. All of my attention was on Snow, and anything Lumina said didn't mean a damn thing to me.

Clenching my jaw, I stared down at Snow's defeated shape as I stood over him, refusing to leave him like this or to kill him. Both would be so easy to do, but I would not.

"You know nothing about Snow," I retorted back to Lumina coldly, steeling my mind and body. I closed my eyes, concentrating as hard as I could on Snow and how to save him… concentrating, tearing my mind to pieces to find another way to save him… and when at last I came up empty handed, I hurled my first into his face as fiercely as I could just as I did all those many year ago when the two of us hated each other more than anything else. But nothing, no response, so I pummeled Snow again, harder this time, and then again, and again...

Hitting him…. It was what I had done because I hated him so much and was too frustrated and angry to think clearly or know what else to do. He was an idiot, and he always would be the biggest idiot I would ever know! And he deserved it. He deserved to be hated. And then there was stupid me! I was helpless and lost, and—damn it! I just needed someone to be angry at besides myself!

"S-Snow!" My voice rang out like a strangled cry, and I grunted loudly as I roughly shook his entire body, shaking him desperately as I continued to plead for him in a ravaged scream. "Snow! C-Come…Come back!"

Damn him! I hated him, I hated Snow so much for making me do this! Again, I wound up and slugged him as hard as I could in the chest, and again in the gut. DAMN HIM! This… This was all his fault! None of this ever would have happened if he hadn't been such an idiot! I gripped his body and jostled him brutishly to get any reaction at all! I wasn't going to lose him like this. I never wanted to lose him at all.

But why couldn't I reach him?!  
As if Lumina and her officious tangents hadn't grated on my last nerve, nothing prepared me for the explosive anger her next words ignited in me. "Who knows nothing about Snow now?" she taunted as she meandered around, her tone becoming especially hostile and accusatory, "You said you understood his pain, didn't you? Like you knew what the past five hundred years have been like; every day blaming himself for Serah, trying to fix the world. He's been fighting to protect people, while you snoozed away in a dream world."

Finally out of breath and energy, I gave up struggling against Snow and slumped forward in defeat myself, the assault of Lumina's all-too-true words sinking in. Her words and the realization that they brought about were near fatal.

But Lumina wasn't close to finished, and resignedly I looked her way as she went on snappishly. "I bet he really was relieved you decided to wake up and get back to the world of the living. I bet he thought he could finally put an end to his misery. He drew on every last bit of strength and threw himself into the darkness. So why don't you just set him free already? Don't you think that's what Serah would want?"

And just like that, Lumina vanished back into a portal of Chaos, leaving just Snow and I alone again. For a while after Lumina left, I still felt too paralyzed to do anything… But Snow's time was still fading, and I could not afford to wallow in self-pity.

Heaving a heavy sigh, I numbly shook my head in a state of loss. "…I want…" I exhaled again, panting as I raised my head and stared at Snow. Half-heartedly, I let my fist fall against Snow's chest, which of course had no result or reaction. I felt a fissure form in my heart, and nothing I could do could prevent it from deepening or spreading. I felt so helpless, and again I punched Snow's shoulder. "I-I want to save you—make you free…But…But I don't know how."

A shaky breathe unfurled out of me as I leaned my forehead against Snow's shoulder, trying to concentrate. But I couldn't! I was losing him and there was nothing I could do. I was losing him just like I had lost Serah, and now I still couldn't be sure if I'd ever get a chance to see my sister again.

Too absorbed in my own head and guilt, I barely registered the low unhuman groan that tore free from Snow. Vigilantly, my head shot up and I gaped, wide eyed as Snow's mammoth body unsteadily rose to his feet. Stretching his limbs with an animalistic growl, Snow swung and thrashed his arms wildly through the air, blindly attacking any threats. I don't know why it took me as long as it did to respond, but it took having Snow murderously lung for me to actually move. I dodged him that time, but the next I was not as lucky. Snow plowed me down, smashing me once and knocking the wind out of me again before throwing my body carelessly across the room, pummeling me into the ground bone breaking strength.

Yelping sharply in pain, I struggled to breathe, gasping and heaving, straining to pick myself back up again before Snow finished me off. But I couldn't move. Everywhere my body throbbed. I was numb, and I couldn't feel anything. The only thing I could feel was my heart was slamming in my heart against my ribs as I lay pinned head down to the cold, stone ground. Behind me I heard Snow's Cie'th groaning and wailing, its echoing cries growing closer and closer.

No…I couldn't lose him. Not yet. Not without telling him how much I hated everything about him. He didn't get this easy way out. No way in hell.

Panic, hatred, and the tenacious feeling of helplessness suddenly fueling through me, I clenched my jaw, cringing at every small motion I tried to make, I grunted and gasped, propping myself up on my shaking elbows as I pushed myself up forcefully, slowly climbing onto my feet one at a time. My legs were trembling and barely supported me, but the sudden a fresh and even more desperate desire to save Snow crushed any crippling pain or hesitance.

Snow was right on me by the time I was finally standing again, but I was ready this time for him, locking my arms around him and holding him steady as severely as I could manage. He thrashed, trying to throw me off, but I clung to him for dear life, gasping and crying out in frustration as we thrashed about together in a vain dance to overpower one another.

Holding Snow's still breathing body against my chest, I squeezed my eyes closed and concentrated all my power on Snow's elusive strand of life. _Come on Snow, please_, I pleaded, feeling the world around me slow and disappear. I visualized Snow in my mind, memorizing and studying every detail of him until I felt his presence resonate inside of me. But he was fading, fading fast, the Snow I knew was pulled deeper into the oblivion of the Chaos.

No, I thought forcefully, willing Snow to live with everything that was inside of him. Willing him to hang on for something. Anything!

"Snow! Damn it, Snow, what do you want me to say?!" I yelled at him in desperation. "HANG ON! Just a little bit longer, I know you can do it, if you just listen to me. I'll do whatever it takes to save you!"  
Whether it was purposeful or not, all of a sudden I felt a surge of emotion flood over me, drenching me with five hundred years' worth of emotions. These emotions were all that had been suppressed deep within Snow's being, locked away from everyone else in a deep dark place that no one was ever supposed to see. But I could see and feel it all. I felt his hopelessness, his loneliness, his longing, and all the pain he endured by himself. I felt the raw emotion he had felt when I had left him all those years ago, callously telling him that I did not need him. I felt and then finally understood the agonizing confliction he had about his promise to Serah… and his feelings for me. I felt the depth of how badly he had wanted me, and still wanted me, even after all the grief and strife I put him through… how he had denied himself of any and all happiness and lost all hope… because of me.

Feeling all Snow's emotions broke my heart, because it suddenly was that much clearer how little I had known about Snow Villiers. This—all of this was my fault! If I could, I would steal his pain, both emotional and physically. I wanted to heal it all for her and make everything okay. It was then that, more desperately than ever, I struggled to connect with Snow's lifeline.

"Snow, I'm sorry! Do you hear me?!" I screamed, shaking him aggressively as I tried to get him to look at me, to meet my eyes, "SNOW, I'M _SORRY!_ I'm sorry I left you all alone and forced you to carry this burden all this time! I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed me to be, and that is my fault! Mine! I was a coward, and you were right! And you can hate me for that, but don't throw your life away because of me! I can't lose you too! You can't leave me!"

Snow's Cie'th unleashed a thunderous cry, brutishly thrashing around as I continued to hand on, before finally tiring himself out and collapsing. I gasped at his weight crushing down on me, but I held him steady, supporting him as I lowered our bodies to the ground. Crouching in front of Snow with my arms tightly lassoed around his broad torso, I held him, holding his solidness into my body. More and more, I felt his struggle lessening as his body grew limp as he continued to wither away. I felt it all happening and I could do nothing to stop him from leaving me!

No! I shook my head obstinately and I grit my teeth as I felt a strong pressure building up behind my eyes. "Snow, I'm begging you… You have to live!" I growled, frustrated tears brimming and threating to overflow down my cheeks. And I held him, not in a restraint, but in a genuine embrace as I prayed for him to stay here with me. "I need you Snow," I panted breathlessly, my breathing becoming more erratic as a few tears finally broke free from my stubborn eyes. I choked slightly through my crying, coughing and clinging to Snow resolutely as I closed my eyes and waited for anything to happen…

*****************************************************************************  
_Snow:_

Eclipsed by the Chaos… and suddenly I was falling. Deeper and deeper into the Chaos. Is this it? Is this the end? I knew it was, but just like the end of the world, my final death was taking its sweet time…

I was falling through the Chaos, drowning in a darkness that I could not escape from. I could not tell how fast my body was traveling; it felt neither fast nor slow, rather like both speeds were happening at the same time. But one thing I was aware of was the Chaos. The Chaos, smothering me, dragging me down and tearing me apart… burning away everything that made me who I was. My memories, my emotions, even my name. I did not resist, my body sinking deeper and deeper into the void of nothing. It devoured me whole, stripping my mind of all thoughts as the waves off oblivion tossed over me metrically.

Snow Villiers existed no more… And whatever was left of me now was too far gone to care.

But in the far reaches of my mind… or whatever was still left of any conscious, I heard a voice. It was her voice, and it was calling to me. At first, I ignored her, just as she had taught me to do for centuries. Living with her ghost every day was like drowning in the Chaos, only a thousand time worse. And I was done drowning…sinking endlessly in grief and despair without ever reaching the bottom.

_"You can't leave me!"_ I heard her scream.

I tried to shut her out, let her go, but she just wouldn't let me go! Escaping from her was like trying to defy gravity… no matter how badly I resisted and tried to get away, I would always fall back to her. And if she knew this, then why wouldn't she just set me free?! Hadn't she tortured me enough? Couldn't she see I was done and that I wasn't strong enough to take any more of this?

_"I need you Snow."_

I need you. That was all it took.

Blinding flailing through the Chaos, choking on it in my vain struggles, I reached out my hand… hoping to find her hand outstretched as well. I waved my hand, feeling the Chaos wrap around me in a vice grip and steal away the last bit of clarity I possessed. My head and heart throbbed, and my outstretched hand felt so achingly empty… But I still wanted to be with her!

…And then there she was.

Wrapping my arms around her, I suddenly felt the sensation of weight slowly returning into my body. I could once again feel the rush of oxygen flushing through my system, the hardness of the concrete floor supported beneath my knees, the warmth of Lightning's body, the dizziness spinning around in circles through my head. Lightning jumped at my touch, lurching away from me in fright and staring at me with owlish eyes. Then all at once, actual gravity caught up with me, crashing into me with the rudest awakening as I fell into the only thing still holding up.

Lightning.

I groaned, rolling my head slightly. It was still probably too soon to start moving around, especially considering the fact that the entire world was spinning whenever I tried to open my eyes, but I stubbornly tried to rush through my recovery…

…Then again, so long as Lightning's arms were wrapped around me, I could have stayed with her like that forever… well, for however much time we had left before the world ended.

Lifting my head up to meet her eyes full on, I couldn't help but stare at Lightning speechless as she did the same exact thing. I could see obvious relief flooding through her, as well as dumbfounded awe. She just kept watching me, her lips parted slightly. I couldn't help but chuckle, coughing as I did. Apparently I still wasn't strong enough to laugh yet.

"And here I thought you didn't care," I told her, smirking. She stared back blankly, blinking in surprise as her mouth fell open again. My grin grew, "It's okay… we don't have to pretend like I didn't hear those things you said." I paused, waiting for Lightning to say something or show any reaction, "… well, unless you didn't mean them."

Finally, Lightning seemed to regain control of herself, and forcefully, she shook her head. "No—I, um…" she stopped, meeting my eyes like a deer trapped in the headlights. She swallowed, adverting my gaze slightly, "I needed you to be alive… you know, to help me bring Serah back." Lightning held my gaze again, determination and strength locked in her aquamarine eyes, "She'll need you when she comes back, and she'd never forgive me if I let anything happen to her fiancé…"

Lowering my gaze uneasily, I stiffly shook my head as I exhaled inwardly. I should have known that nothing would ever change between us. Thinking so would have been ridiculous. "It's okay Light…" I forced a breezy laugh, "I admit though, that was some performance you put on… both during the fireworks, and then just now. I could have almost believed it." My eyes rose up to meet Lightning's again, and I watched and waited for a moment for her to say something. I covered up my disappointment with a good-natured, cocky smile and chuckled to myself again softly as I tiredly rested against Lightning again to regain my strength… and Lightning did not protest.

I exhaled after a while, trying to pry myself away from Lightning and be stead on my own. Without a single word, Lightning's hand were immediately there to support me.

"Do you want to stand up?" she asked, to which I nodded, and slowly she eased me up onto my two feet. There was a bit of wobbling, but Lightning made sure I stayed steady, watching me vigilantly as she looked up to meet my eyes again.

For a moment, we held one another's gaze and there were no words. As strange as it was, she was the only person who truly understood me without me having to say anything at all. We were trained to listen through the silence. It reminded me back to that day on Pulse when the two of us had stood on the cliff tops, Lightning leaning into me as we silently watched the sunset together. We had understood how we both felt then. And now, as we stood here in this enormous vacuum of silence, a silence charged with words left unspoken for hundreds for years, nothing had changed between us… There was nothing that needed to be said that wasn't already understood about the way we felt.

Finally I broke the silence, with a lighthearted laugh as we stepped apart from one another. "I suppose I'm supposed to thank you right? For saving my life. You know, even though I made it abundantly clear that I didn't want to be saved," I grinned at her cheekily, "But you never have been one to listen to me or what I want, huh?"

Lightning did not seem to find that funny though, her stoic expression deepening in severity. Holding her head high, she forcefully held my eyes with urgency. "I meant what I said, about needing you to help me bring Serah back." Lightning reached for something in the deep folds of her purple dress—which she looked absolutely stunning in—and revealed Serah's engagement pendant. At the sight of it, my heart dropped a little, but I nevertheless accepted it when Lightning rested it into the palm of my hand. I gazed down at the necklace thoughtfully, but my attention shot back up to Lightning as she spoke.

"Take care of Serah," she instructed sternly, "Please, help her find her way back." With a lingering gaze, she pulled away towards the open exit. I thought about stopping her, but I did not. I could not keep the savior here against her will, even if her job wasn't to collect and save souls. I never had been able to keep her from leaving, and I never would.

"Stay strong," she said, her foreboding voice carrying after her as she walked away, "Someday, you'll be all she has."

I exhaled, nodding to myself as I glanced down at the engagement pendant as Lightning's orders set in. _Stay strong. Someday, you'll be all she has… _

"Light, wait—" I called urgently after her, my brow furrowed in concern. She stopped, and to my surprise actually turned her body slightly towards me as she glanced back. Our eyes locked across the room, and in an instant, despite the distance dividing us, I already knew the truth.

Exhaling again wearily, I let both arms fall to my side as I stood there before her. "You're not coming to the new world, are you." It was not a question or an acquisition. I already knew.

Lightning hung her head slightly as she turned to face the side wall. She shook her head before replying. "I'm not quite sure of anything to be honest with you Snow. I don't know if my rebirth in the new world has anything to do with God's plan, but I'm not counting on it." Lifting her head as she turned back to meet my gaze full on again, Lightning spoke in a low, critical tone. "But that's exactly why I need you to be there for Serah… Because I cannot be. So please don't let her down." She shook her head, her eyes never leaving mine. "Besides, I don't have a place in the new world. I made you a promise to stay away so that you would forget. If I'm not there, then there will be nothing to get in the way of you and Serah being happy together."

I couldn't help but get angered by that remark. "Oh right, because you leaving and staying away from me worked so well last time," I retorted loudly, spreading my arms wide out to the side. I shook my head stubbornly, "Lightning, you're not making any sense!"

Frowning wearily, Lightning's eyes became dagger-like as they regarded me. "What exactly do you want me to say?" she muttered.

"How about, _"I'm staying,"_ Light. How about that?"

Lightning's expression grew testier, but her voice gave no indication of this increasing frustration. "I can't do that Snow."

"But you can choose to abandon me and Serah again. You could do that. " Lightning gawked at me as my accusation filled the air, horror registering in her eyes. She looked genuinely guilty for a moment, but I didn't care if she felt guilty or not, knowing no amount of guilt would change her decision. I felt my blood become hotter, scorching through my veins. "You could chose to do that to us, and make us relive that nightmare all over again of losing and living without you. Why? I just want to know why."

Defiance replaced the guilt quivering in Lightning's eyes. "You're not changing my mind… No matter what you say, you can't stop me."

I said nothing, too angry to speak as I balled my hands into tight fists. "Damn you Light…." Clenching my jaw, I didn't speak for a while. Finally, I unclenched my mouth, frowning bitterly as I forced a humorless laugh, "Figures… You can always stop me and thwart all my plans, but I'll never be able to stop you, huh?" I shook my head and looked down at the floor, "What I want really doesn't mean anything to you…"

Lightning didn't say anything, but her inquisitive gaze never looked away from me. She watched me in silence, her eyes burning through me, but I didn't want to meet her gaze.

Exhaling, I finally looked up, a fight still burning through my system. One would have thought that I would have learned by now, after having this same conversation on countless occasions, that the end of this conversation would never change… but I guess some things really don't change even after so much time has passed.

"Will Serah and I even remember you in this new world?" I had to ask, even though I already had an ill feeling that Lightning would confirm my fears.

She shook her head, her gaze lowering. "I can't say… but I don't see why God would let me exist in your memories. Everyone needs a fresh start… and they can't do that if they are still hung up on the past." At that, Lightning met my eyes again, and I felt my heart constrict dangerously in my chest. "You won't have to be upset. You won't even remember losing me, because I would have never existed in your mind at all. You'll be free from me once and for all." She paused, her eyes imploring me deeply. "Isn't that what you want?"

I opened my mouth automatically, taking a step forward… but yet I said nothing, freezing in my spot. Is that what I wanted? To forget all about Lightning, to actually have her wiped clean from my memory and move on with Serah… just like I was always meant to? Suddenly, I had no idea what I really wanted after all.

But Lightning seemed to when she spoke in my stead. "I felt it… when my life was connected to yours, I felt and saw all of your heart's desires." She paused stoically, lowering her eyes again. "You feel that knowing me has been more pain than what it's worth." Lightning glanced back up, "And that's why I can chose to stay behind with this dying world, and let you move on with my sister in the next."

"L-Light—wait," Flustered, I shook my head, hoping to settle the hurricane of thoughts raging through my mind. "Lightning, that's—that's not the only thing I feel about you though." Again, I was crossing very dangerous territory, and Lightning's warning glare confirmed that I was overreaching myself. But I didn't care. "Yes, you've hurt me—many times might I add—and yes, I never anticipated on how deeply I'd come to care about you… which is not easy at all considering that I'm engaged to your sister because I care about you both…" I shook my head, "But Light, I'd never—not for anything—ever regret knowing you! And I certainly can't imagine any world without you in it."

I had said my piece, and the ball was in Lightning's court now. Admittedly, she looked a bit stunned at my confession—unless I was imagining it—but anything she was feeling was shut down instantly. "Snow, I can't afford to keep wasting time with this. I have an important job… unless you don't want me to resurrect Serah."

And that was it. That was as far as Lightning would ever get to admitting having feelings for one another: Me putting my heart on the line, and Lightning running away without acknowledging anything.

Pushing it down, I put my best face forward, nodding to Lightning encouragingly. "Yeah… that's right. You do have an important job to be doing."

Lightning watched me with thinly veiled reservation, but she said nothing in acknowledgement of it as she nodded to me. She began to turn away, when I called out to her again.

"Hey Lightning?" Lightning looked over her shoulder to me and met my eyes. I cleared my throat, wanting so badly to close the distance between us. But I knew that if I got to close to her, then there would be no way that I'd ever let her go. So I stayed where I stood as I addressed her again. "Is this goodbye then? …Forever?"

She held my gaze without saying a word. Unless I was imagining it again, Lightning almost looked remorseful and sad. "I'll see you around I suppose… but I doubt we'll talk like this again."

"Oh," I said stupidly, not knowing what else to say. I kicked at the floor, plastering on a bright smile for her. If this was the last time we ever saw each other, than I wanted her last memory of me to be a good one. "Well, don't worry about this ol' Hero, then. I'll do my best as the Patron and protect Yusnaan until the time comes, alright? I've got this place covered for ya, Light."

She nodded, something still wistful trapped in her expression. "I appreciate that," she replied stoically, turning away again when—

"H-Hey, Light?" I called out again, almost expecting to see a scowl or a frown on Lightning's face as she turned around to face me for the umpteenth time. I was surprised to see neither. Exhaling, my eyes and voice softened vulnerably. "Even though we're not meant to be and I won't remember you in the next life, there's a part of you that is going to stay with me forever. Nothing will change that."

And Lightning watched me the same way she always had with a soldier's vigilance, before her eyes crumbled and fell away. "Goodbye Snow."

She was walking away, and I thought I had said "Goodbye" back to her when I realized I had only mentally said the words. My mouth refused to project the word… because maybe if I didn't say it out loud, than maybe none of this had to ever be real…

_Goodbye Lightning_, I thought to myself again, letting the woman I loved more than anyone else in the world walk out of my existence again… just as I had done so many times over.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Lightning: _

Thirteen days until the end of the world. That was all the time that I had had to save everyone… after that, once the final toll of the bell, life would cease to exist as we all knew it. All those souls I had worked tirelessly to save would be transported to the new world, safe and sound. And if I could reach Vanille in time on the final day before she performed that horrible Soulsong as the Order intended, then the souls of the dead would be saved and brought to the new world as well.

And the thirteenth and final day was nigh, merely hours away.

With only so much time left on the twelfth day, I most certainly wanted to make the most of it, both in my duty as the savior and in a small personal moments to myself as I said goodbye to the places and faces I would never see again. Although bittersweet, there was nothing that tied me to this dying world, so I had no struggles saying my silent goodbyes. I had already had to say my hardest goodbyes, so every goodbye that succeeded it felt like nothing in comparison.

It was pointless to do so, but I thought about Snow often… my thoughts of him going with me no matter where I traveled. I avoided Yusnaan whenever I could, except for tonight as I roamed aimlessly through the vibrant and blustering city streets. There was no point to my visit here tonight; I had done my job as the savior and saved all the souls I could here. I was not needed… and yet here I was, gazing up towards the Patron's Palace… wondering if from one of the many high windows, whether or not Snow was gazing down…

Knowing I had been staring just a little too long, I forced myself to look down as I heard Hope's voice fill my ear as he spoke through my wireless ear piece.

"Hey Light, was there something you needed to still do here?" he asked inquisitively. Hope could always be counted upon to keep me informed and on task, although I had to admit, he took his job of watching over my ever move a little too intently.

I cleared my throat, rotating my body away from Snow's Palace and all the celebratory festivities going around in the surrounding area. "Uh, no." I shook my head, "But listen, Hope," I held my breath, my heart constricting dangerously, as if to prevent me from talking, "…Is there anything else you can think of that I should do to prepare for tomorrow? Anything God still wants me to do?"

"Hmm…" Hope hummed thoughtfully, the line of communication going silent for a moment. "Well there's always something that can be done… but truthfully, you done a phenomenal job Light. Of course I'm not just saying that because its' you I'm talking to, but you really have managed to save and help so many souls."

"So there's nothing I still need to do as the savior?" I pressed, hoping my voice didn't come across as anxious as I was feeling inside.

"Not that I can tell… Why do you ask?"

I didn't reply right away, turning around again to gaze up at the Patron's Palace. Inhaling deeply, I exhaled my breath a moment later before I finally spoke. "Hope, I need your help with something…"

* * *

Soundlessly, my feet touched down with solid ground again as my body finished teleporting, carrying me across time and space to this new place. Cautiously, I glanced full around me at my new surroundings, my heart regrettably picking up speed at the sudden awareness of where I was, and more importantly, what I was doing here.

The room I was in was nearly completely dark save for the silver moonlight from outside breaking through the windows, spilling soft pools of natural light across the floor and furniture. The windows were cracked open and the curtains were billowing gently in the warm and soothing night breeze. Everything was tidy and perfectly silent in the room.

Well, silent if one could ignore the drift of snoring coming from the person occupying the king-sized bed in the center of the room. I couldn't help but smirk to myself as one snore rose up several octaves, disrupting from the usual rhythm before he returning to. Being here right now brought me back to when we were all ticking-time bomb l'Cie, when we used to stop and set up camp for the night to rest. If there was ever any reason I had difficulty going to sleep, Snow's snoring patterns were to blame. Well… I probably would have struggled with insomnia regardless due to the imposing danger all of our lives were under as l'Cie fugitives, but it was much easier to blame Snow the next morning. It was always easier just to fault Snow…

My chest constricted again as I watched him. I could clearly distinguish the mound which was his mammoth body wrapped beneath the duvet, and I could just make out his head amongst an avalanche if pillows clustered at the large, ornate headboard. Still snoring loudly, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was sound asleep. So easy it would be to just turn back now. I had come to see him, just as I had wanted, and now I could leave without him ever knowing I had been here. Perhaps it was better if we just left it this way…

But then why couldn't I bring myself to leave. Up until this moment, I had been a completely emotionless stone who couldn't bring herself to care about anything… and now I was damned to care too much. I could barely breathe and thought for sure if my heart beat any faster that I would have a heart attack. Why the hell couldn't I just get a grip?!

Before I lost my nerve, I drew in a sharp breath and strode forward, my slender shadow streaking across the floor as I stepped further into the moonlight. As I reached Snow's beside, I couldn't help but falter a little, my hesitation and nerves getting the best of me. Snow was sleeping on his side, shirtless, his majestic muscled back facing towards me, and even still I was terrified he'd wake up and I'd have no place to run and hide. I was as ruthless and driven as they come soldier-wise, but things like _this _infantilized me to the point of complete incompetency. For what seemed like hours, I must have stood at his bedside, gnawing relentlessly on my bottom lip until at last I sat down on the edge of his bed, my legs dangling off the side, and rested my hand faintly on Snow's shoulder. Of course he didn't respond, and I had to shake him gingerly.

"Snow…" I whispered, clearly my throat as spoke a bit louder, still shaking his shoulder lightly "Snow?" It was a much gentler approach, one that I had never used with Snow before, and I imagine that was only a small part of the shock he experienced upon waking up and seeing me sitting next to him in his bed.

"M-Mmghhnnn..." Snow released a low, incoherent groan, roughly rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand as he glacially came out of his slumber. His head rolled so that he was facing up towards me, but his eyes were still pinched closed. For a moment as his body became completely still again, I was afraid Snow had fallen back to sleep… but then I saw his piercing cerulean eyes staring up at me through the darkness… and then they were all I could see. My heat skipped a beat, my mouth parting slightly and then closing a second later as I nervously wet my lips.

We stared at each other, neither saying a word. Maybe he was waiting for me to say something… which was unfortunate because I wouldn't be able to speak until he did first…

Snow, a little more awake now, gazed at me strangely, his brow scrunched thoughtfully and his eyes lost and confused. "…Lightning?" he breathed, his voice groggy and dazed with the sleep that still plagued his body.

My heart rose, fluttering at hearing his voice repeat my name. But I shoved those girlish feelings down, my expression vacant of all emotions as I nodded to him emphatically. "Yeah, it's me."

Silence pursued after that as we watched one another. I watched Snow's inquisitive stare, how his eyes softened the longer he held my gaze, how his chest rose and feel in a slow and steady cadence when he breathed.

Finally, Snow smirked at me arrogantly, just the way he always used to, his smirk growing into a warming grin. "How is it that every time we talk, it always feels like it's the last time we'll ever see each other?" He chuckled to himself softly, shaking his head against the pillow supporting it. "I mean, last time I swore it really was the last time…" He paused thoughtfully, holding my eyes for a long time as a slow, genuine smile filled his face. "But here you are…"

Neither of us spoke, and I wouldn't have minded if we had stayed just like that for the rest of the night. But Snow ruined it, groaning as he stretched his arms out. He groaned again as he sat up, and I let my hand limply fall away from him before he noticed I had been touching him in the first place. Yawning, Snow brushed a hand through his disheveled light blonde hair, which admittedly had grown to the point of looking like a haystack. Hopefully the first thing he did in the new world was get a haircut before marrying my sister… Even the bandana look was better than this hairdo.

Snow was still stretching, straightening himself as he watched me. He smirked, "Not that I mind though," he assured me in his usual nonchalant and cocky tone, rolling his shoulders back, "Of course, maybe I would like to get some notice before you just stop into my dreams. But with the savior's busy schedule, I guess that can't be helped," he commented with a jovial chuckle.

I exhaled quietly, my expression still sobered. "Snow… this isn't a dream."

At that, Snow finally stopped stretching and moving, giving me a long hard look as he studied my face. His eyes panned around the room for a split second, but almost instantly returned to me. Forcefully, he offered me a small smile, but I could see wistful disappointment glimmering faintly in his eyes.

"Light," he said gently, a sad laugh entering is voice, "I can't say I'm entirely convinced. I mean, sure, you did wake me up in my bedroom… but besides that, this doesn't feel any less real than all of the other dreams I had with you. They all feel just as real as this, if this is real life." He shrugged, cocking his head to the side ever so slightly as a smirk played across his lips. "Although, maybe I'd be convinced if you didn't run off again."

I exhaled weightily, "Snow… I just came to say goodbye."

As soon as the words left my mouth, the unmistakable hurt registered in Snow's face. He stared at me, saying nothing, and eventually I had to advert my eyes. There was a long, tense pull of silence before I heard Snow's voice again.

"So why did you really come?"

Startled, I looked back up at him with a jerking motion, my gaze intent and critical. I shook my head severely, "I don't know what you're talking about. I-I…" Anxiously, I bit the inside of my lip, a metallic taste filling my mouth as I went to swallow. "Why does it matter. At the very least for everything I put you through, I owe you a formal goodbye."

"Which you gave me the last time I saw you," Snow pointed out. Damn him, why was he so persistent and self-righteous?! "So why are you _really_ here?"

Shaking my head obstinately, my eyes never leaving his, I refused to give him an answer. I would stare him down for as long as I had to until he gave in. I would not be the one who broke or caved in.

Unfortunately, Snow was the only person who rivaled, and maybe surpassed, my own stubbornness.

"Lightning," he said slowly, patiently, as his eyes softened affectionately. The look he was giving was near fatal to me, and although I held up by façade of neutrality outwardly, inside I was unraveling at a frightening pace. I watched him anxiously as he drew in a deep breath, exhaling it before speaking, "Lighting… you made it perfectly clear the last time, and all the times before that, that you were going to stay away from me. For Serah and my sake." He paused, holding my gaze critically. "And I know you're not going to like me saying this, but I know you too well Lightning. You wouldn't just go against something you said for no good reason, and quite frankly, just coming here, going out of your way to wake me up in the middle of the night just to say goodbye _again_…" he shook his head, sighing as he softened his tone, "… You don't fool me, Light. So just tell me. Be honest with me—hell, honest with yourself."

"Why are you so determined to make me out to be a liar?" I snapped automatically.

Snow laughed heartily, "Now that right there, Light, was borderline paranoid." Resentfully, I frowned at him, but he brushed my glower off with a lighthearted smile. "Light, I'm not…" he exhaled and started again, "Lightning, the world is ending tomorrow… well, today technically. But it doesn't matter. You don't have to be on your defenses with me. Pretty soon, all of this will be over and we'll never have these chances again… so if you have something to say, just say it. You have absolutely nothing to lose at this point." He shrugged, letting his shoulders slump downwards again as he watched and waited for me to say something in reply.

But all I could do was shake my head. "But that's the point. Maybe we have nothing to lose… but we also certainly don't have anything to gain. There comes a time when we just need to cut our losses, and accept them. Why bother initiating something that won't last?"

I had been very good at tiptoeing around the matter at hand, but both Snow and I knew I had screwed myself over with my last comment, and there was nothing I could do to take my words back. Snow had already heard me.

"What would you initiate?" he asked solemnly.

All at once, I felt something vile take hold of me, and I wanted nothing more than to purge it from my body. "Snow, drop it. There's no point in discussing this."

"And what if there is?" Snow pressed on.

Pursing my lips and furrowing my brow as angrily as I could manage, I glared murderously at him. "How many times do I need to remind you that you are with Serah? Serah," I enunciated bitterly, "My little sister. You are marrying her, and you love her. You told me you wouldn't let her down. And I'm a terrible sister. I already abandoned her and led her to her death, so like hell I would dare steal away the man she loves. So…" Frustrated and a little flustered, my mouth hung open, anger still etched into my features. At a loss, I finally sighed and hung my head, "…Please…_please_, just stop."

Snow said nothing, seeming just as at a loss as I was. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him also hang his head, shaking it slowly. "Lightning… I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make this difficult for you. I just figured since you came here… maybe you changed your mind." His head rose and he looked directly at me, but I dared not lift my head. Instead, I trained my eyes down on my hands, knotted together in my lap when Snow's voice addressed me again. "Light?"

I had every intention not to reply. "What?"

I heard Snow sigh heavily, "This has never been about Serah."

My head shot up, my gaze accusatory as I met his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"This whole thing…" Snow explained with a shrug. We stared at one another wordlessly before Snow finally shook his head. "Lightning, I know how you are. I know that if our circumstances were different where I was with Serah and also had feelings for another person… you would cut me off without a second thought and forbid me from being even twenty feet of Serah. But because you're the other person, it's different. You're scared to be with me, so tying me off with Serah is the best way to get rid of me and protect yourself from having to feel anything."

Involuntarily, I felt heat and color rising in my cheeks. I only hoped that the room was dark enough so that Snow didn't notice. The nerve he had! Accusing me of that! Narrowing my eyes, I frowned at him critically. "So you mean to say that I don't care or respect my sister at all?! That I'd have no problem breaking her heart if it wasn't for the fact that I-I was…_scared_ to be with _you?!_"

Snow looked entirely unflustered and unfazed by my vehement reaction. He looked so calm and collected that I was almost envious! Sighing patiently, Snow empathically stared me in the eyes. "I didn't say that Light. What I meant was that if you really cared about your sister and wanted to respect her, then you wouldn't force this marriage and would want her to be with a man who was actually in love with her. That's what Serah really desires, and I know deep down, you believe that too."

I frowned warily. "But you _are_ in love with her."

Again, I watched as Snow sighed, but this sigh was longer this time, heavier, as if he was pulling it from deep inside himself. With a strained expression, Snow hung his head, covering his face with his massive hand as he blocked his eyes from my view. He squeezed the bridge of his nose, abruptly releasing it as he forcefully looked back up to me with startlingly intensity. "Every day I lied," he articulated, his eyes breaking away from mine, darting off to the side as he made a soft, broken noise that sounded like a laugh gone wrong. "I told her that I loved her…" he said, shaking his head in small short motions as more and more conflicted emotions rose to the surface. He took a gulp of air, exhaling miserably as he finally stopped shaking his head and his eyes fell back on me, and only me. "But the truth is," he said slowly, pain filling into his eyes, "I love you more."

As we regarded each other then, I felt a sudden dropping feeling in my stomach, sucking the wind out of me entirely. It was almost as if my whole life had been heading toward this moment. It was a scary thought—downright terrifying actually—heavy with inevitability. And now Snow's eyes were imploring me to say something, anything in reply to what he had just said. But I literally could not.

Snow's mouth must have opened and closed about a dozen times, his eyes and entire expression panicked. "D-Did that sound weird?" he asked shakily, "Because it felt weird. All this time convincing myself that I'd never say it. And I just did say—oh wow…" Taking in a deep breath, Snow ran a hand back through her hair, gripping the back of his neck anxiously. He swallowed as the impact of what had been said set in, then turning to meet my eyes full on again. Again, there was that expectant stare of his again. Not that I blamed him, but still…

"Tell me what you're thinking," I heard Snow say over the wild beating of my heart, his voice tender, yet anxious and impatient. What Snow should have asked me was "what was I _not_ thinking about", because in that moment, every memory we had shared, every possible scenario of our future was surging through my veins. I felt sick, worse than sick, but I held it together as I fought to hold my expression of neutrality.

I didn't answer at first, and he didn't press me any further. I kept my eyes trained down, too terrified to meet his gaze. When I finally chanced a glance, on his face I saw only trust, patience, and hopefulness. As much as it pained me, I knew that I had to say something, but the only thing I seemed to know how to do well was prolong the agony.

"You love me?" I lamely repeated, as if hearing him say it once wasn't difficult enough.

And Snow nodded, any trepidation from before vanishing entirely as he rotated his body, scooting forward on the bed towards me. I admit, I was immediately terrified by this proximity and almost stumbled backwards off the bed to the floor, but miraculously I stayed where I was seated. Snow was so much closer to me now, and I let him hold my eyes.

"I do," he said earnestly, his voice full and clear. A pure, uncomplicated smile spread across Snow's features as he leaned in, cupping the side of my face in one of his massive hands. At his touch, all I could feel was the strong, overwhelming warmth radiating off of him, and with him so close, his scent caused me to unravel inside a little more. His smile grew, "I, Snow, love you, Lightning. Claire Farron…Lightning…" He shook his head slowly, "I love all of you."

I couldn't help but to look away. This was too much, more than what I thought I could handle. And simultaneously, it was all I had ever needed.

Snow's dark blue eyes were still trained on me, "This is for real, Light. I swear to you, when we are born again in the new world, that will finally be our chance to be together. And there'd be nothing standing in our way. We can be together."

For a moment there, Snow had had me in a place of almost believing in his naive, blind optimism... I had almost given in, before Snow's words rang through my mind like a foreboding gong, a reality woke me up. Stiffening against Snow's touch, I shook my head, my eyes severe. "You're wrong," I told him grimly.

My tone didn't completely suck the cheer out of Snow's disposition, but he pouted slightly. "What do you mean?"

I shook my head, my hand closing around Snow's wrist as I tried to pull his hand off of my face. I gave up, but I didn't let go of his wrist. "We're not free and I don't see how we can be together... Every time Serah sees us together, it's going to keep reopening that wound." I lowered my eyes, shaking my head in slow trembles, "Besides, it doesn't matter, because I'm not going to be in that new world. I need to stay behind."

Finally Snow understood, and a relentless determinism fired within his eyes as he held mine. "Lightning, I'm not letting you. Haven't you already done enough as the savior? Light, you've done your job, and you deserve more than anyone to be in that new world. I want you there with me. What can I do to make sure you'll be there too? Say the word, and I'll do it!"

Unsure of what to say, I simply gazed back at him, admiring his handsome features, the anger and resolve so strong in his face. Inwardly, I smirked. Ever the hero, Snow Villiers hadn't changed one bit after all.

Finally pushing his hand away, his warmth and security leaving with it, I stared at Snow adamantly. "It's not up for you to save me, Snow."

To my surprise, Snow actually nodded, his expression solemn. "I know that. But I want to at the very least help you to save yourself."

"Save myself, huh?" I repeated, scoffing under my breath. "You sound like Lumina now…"

Snow threw me a puzzled expression, but it softened into an easy smile. "Well then maybe you'll take our advice now."

"Heh, I would if I even knew how to in the first place…" I replied bitterly. I never intended on letting so much emotion come through, but it was too late to take it back. With Snow's concerned, empathetic eyes watching me, I shook my head steadfastly. "I should leave now."

"No!" Snow emphasized almost instantaneously. I turned back and stared at him, a bit startled and confused. We gazed at each other in silence only for a short moment before Snow finally said, "Lightning… I want you to stay with me. Just for the night."

Automatically, I began shaking my head, "Snow…"

"No, stay," Snow interrupted adamantly before I could make an excuse. "Please. If tonight is my last and only chance to be with you, than I want to take it and make the most of what we have. I want to spend my last night in this world with you, the woman I am deeply in love with." He smiled hopefully to me "You're the only person I want to be with right now." Pausing, he shrugged then, looking slightly defeated, "I know you'll have to leave, but stay until the morning. And then… well, I guess we'll both just forget when the time comes."

I couldn't help but frown, eyeing Snow critically, "So you want me to spend the night with you…for us to have sex, and then for me to leave and we'd forget all about it? That's what you want from me?"

Snow blinked, frowning and furrowing his brow as he persistently shook his head. "Uhm, n-no. That's…" he stopped shaking his head, his gaze severe. "Light, no, I seriously just want you to stay with me. After all these times having you run off on me… I'd just really like it if this once, you'd stay. That's all I meant."

Suddenly, I felt very mortified, but my shielded my emotions from my face. "Oh." I replied mechanically.

Snow's usual lighthearted humor returned then, smiling at me receptively. "To tell you the truth though, I don't think I'd be very good at the one-night stand thing... especially concerning you. If we did do that, then there'd be no way I'd ever let you go."

At first, I was at a loss for words. But finally, I just lowered my eyes away from his. "…You didn't have any problem letting me go before."

I glanced up just enough to catch Snow's frown and puzzled expression as he said, "But…only because that was what you asked me to do…" Lifting my head a little higher, my timid gaze locked and was overwhelmed by Snow's profound stare. Without taking his eyes off of me, slowly he shook his head, "…I never knew you wanted me to come after you."

And neither did I for that matter! I was just as dumbfounded, confused, and blindsided as Snow, and worse I was furious at myself angry now for blurting out something so stupid and nonsensical. This was all a huge mistake, and it needed to end now. Without saying a word, I went to stand. But before I could move a muscle, Snow's hand had instinctively latched around my wrist to prevent me from going anywhere. I thought about struggling and resisting, like all the other times, but I did not. Instead, I stared at Snow in my usual angry and defiant way.

"See what I mean?" Snow told me animatedly, smirking. I glowered at him, failing to see how any of this was the slightest bit amusing. He went on, his tone jovial but with an undertone of earnestness. "I try to keep you with me, but you're always running off. Way to send a guy mixed signals here, Light."

"Just get over yourself already," I muttered bitterly, looking away. I didn't mean to snap at him, but I wouldn't have had to if he just made this easier for me. Why was he always finding ways to make my life even more complicated and screwed up? Snow's hand was still holding onto my wrist, chaining me to him. Fighting like this in circles, we would get nowhere.

"Lightning…" Snow exhaled, pausing and releasing my wrist before restarting, "…I just need you to be honest with me now. For the both of us." His gaze was earnest and still hopeful, "…If you really want to stay, I promise I won't let you go this time. But I need you to tell me what you want. What do _you_—" his eyes twinkled as his lightly caressed my face, staring into my eyes intently, "—Lightning—really want to do?"

I shook my head again, pulling deliberately away from Snow's reach. "I don't see the point, Snow. I'm sorry… but I just don't." Disobediently, my heart constricted as I watched Snow's face continue to fall, and I felt my resolve crumbling. But I couldn't afford for my resolve to crumble. If I were to stay behind with this dying world, I couldn't be emotionally conflicted in any way…

And now…? Was it already too late _not_ to feel extremely conflicted?

Exhaling, I tried to start over again, resenting the quaking tremor in my words as I spoke. "Snow… what I'm trying to say is that," I swallowed, pressuring building in my chest. "…So much time has gone by. You and I have known one another for centuries, and in all that time, the timing was never right. You were engaged to Serah when we were Pulse l'Cie, and then I was dragged to Valhalla soon after, and we have lived literally worlds apart for five hundred years. There was always something in the way, preventing anything from happening between us… and maybe that was for a very good reason. Now we finally have a chance to be together, but the world's about to end and we'll never be together again. It's just not in the cards for us and the universe has been trying to tell us that for centuries, Snow. Why don't we just cut our losses, accept it, and move on. One night won't change anything or make up for all of the time lost… You'll forget, and it will all just be meaningless."

"But it's not meaningless now," Snow replied steadily, the power and assuredness in his voice almost taking me off guard. He shook his head and then met my eyes full on again, "Lightning, I don't care what happens or if I forget. As far as I'm concerned, does it really matter if we have one night or five hundred years' worth of nights spent together if in the end I'd forget about all of it anyway? Oblivion is inevitable, but that's not stopping me from living… from going after what I've wanted for centuries: You."

Snow stared at me, and for a moment I was paranoid that he too could hear my clamorous, erratic heartbeats. He went on, his tone calmer. "I don't care what happens beyond right now. I want you with me, and for as long as possible. And I don't care if we can't be together again in the new world. I already had to live an eternity without you… It's not the most ideal circumstance, but I lived through it." At that, I couldn't resist raising an eyebrow at him dubiously, and his lips actually quirked into an ironic grin, "Okay, okay, you're right, yeah it was a bit dodgy towards the end. But the reason I'm alive today is because of you. I know you keep telling me that I'll forget about you in the new world, but I honestly don't even think it's possible to ever forget you… Trust me, I've been trying to do that for five hundred plus years with no avail… That and I'll be damned if I don't at least try to keep your memory alive. No God can take that away from me. Defying our fates seems to be what we do best…" He smirked, pausing thoughtfully before continuing, "As long as I remember this somewhere deep inside my heart... and know that you loved me too… that will be enough for me to find my way back to you one day in the future… I know it."

"Snow…"

I'll be fine," he assured confidently, giving me a small comforting smile, "I'll wait forever for you if that's how long it takes. I did it once, and I'll do it again."

"That sounds silly," I chastised him gingerly, my heart tugging and pulling in a million different directions. So badly, I wanted to believe that one day we could be together, and everything could be simple. But that just wasn't reality. Snow deserved better than just to wait around indefinitely on the ambiguous chance that one day we could be together. He had so much more to live for in this new world… and I wasn't going to get in the way of that, holding him hostage with memories of the twisted past and promises that could never be fulfilled.

I was about to open my mouth to say more, but Snow beat me to it. "After waiting all this time, not even sure if you would come back, any time I can get with you is worth it. Believe it or not, just this is enough."

But even after hearing Snow go on his huge theatrical and moving monologue, all I could do was shake my head. "… I don't know."

"Well that's what you said ten minutes ago. And you're still here now," Snow noted ironically. Although his tone was beginning to sound of frustration, his eyes and expression were as easygoing as always as he grinned to me. "I think if you did want to leave, you would have done so already. But hey, if arguing about you staying or leaving keeps you here with me for a little longer, I'll take it."

I raised an eyebrow sternly, "Would you have let me leave?"

Snow didn't answer immediately, really thinking over the question before earnestly meeting my eyes, "…I only want for you to be happy Light. If that's not with me, than that's fine." His horrible poker face said otherwise, but regardless, he went on, "The thing is Lightning, you always have a choice. You should know that by now. When we were cursed as l'Cie and our Focus was to destroy Cocoon, we had choices then too even. We could have gone ahead and completed our Focus, we could have run away… or a third option, we could defy of Focus and find a way to save Cocoon. We ran for a little while sure, but in the end we chose to fight our Focus, even though we knew the risk of not completing our Focus. It certainly wasn't the easiest choice, but it what we believed was the right choice…" he paused for a long while as we stared at one another in silence, and he started again, "I'm not saying that if you decide to stay with me, that it will be the right choice. Hell, it certainly won't be the easiest. But only you can decide what the right choice for you is. You and only you can make that decision…I've already made mine." I watched as he shrugged, his earnest blue eyes probing me curiously through the darkness. "So what's yours, Light?"

Petrified in his gaze and the directness of his question, I remained silent. But in that moment, I thought harder about Snow than I ever had. I thought of everything. All the things that could go wrong, all the things that had already gone so horribly, horribly wrong, and how things would only get harder… and then I thought of all the things that could turn out so wonderfully right… Through it all, neither the good nor the bad led me to determine what was "right". But after what seemed like an entirety of thinking, one dangerously clear thought remained… I was in love with Snow Villiers, and nothing would ever cause me to revoke that.

My timid gaze almost refused to look in his general direction, but fueled by my new stirring emotions of conviction, my eyes rose into Snow's. "Yes," I said inaudibly. Realizing how faint my voice was, I cleared my throat and met Snow's mystified eyes again. "Yes," I repeated, saying it as much to myself as to Snow, "I want to be here with you."

Snow's entire body seemed to go still and rigid. Methodically, he studied my face for the truth as if to make sure whether or not I truly meant what I had just said. "Are you sure?" he tested cautiously, trying not to get to ahead of himself.

I nodded solemnly, my eyes never leaving his. "Yes."

For a moment neither of us knew how to correctly respond, until all at once Snow's strong arms encompassed me, pulling me against his body securely as he exhaled loudly in nervous relief. My heart was in a sprint again as I embraced Snow just as fervently, wrapping my arms around Snow's neck tightly in reply as I buried my face into his shoulder… Hyperaware of everywhere our bodies were touching, my body tingled and ached in sad longing, my heart heaving to share all the words I had never told him. I could feel his heartbeat, beating right beside mine, chest to chest.

"Don't let me go…" I whispered in a fragmented voice, terror instantaneously encasing my body as Snow pulled back from me. I was so afraid of losing him, of letting this man go… But then I met his eyes—his strong, trustworthy, and unfailingly loyal eyes—and I finally knew that letting me go was the last thing he ever intended on doing. He pulled me back into his arms almost immediately after and I clung to him more fiercely than before. "Please… don't let go…."

How long we remained like that, I cannot say. As if time wasn't already screwed up on the last day of the end of the world. Minutes could have been hours, or maybe vice versa as Snow combed his fingers through my hair, kissing the side of my head and speaking to me soothingly… He didn't say much, but all I really wanted was for him to just hold me, for me to feel him like this and know this proximity was real. Even when Snow eventually lay us both down in his bed, dutifully making sure I was wrapped under beneath the covers with him, not once did he let me leave his warm, safe arms. It was like he just knew.

A distracting heaviness was starting to expand in my weary mind, and I felt myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Still, I was awake enough to still feel Snow's arms around me… and hear his voice floating tenderly into my ear.

"Thank you."

Opening my eyes, I held Snow's gaze somberly as we lay on our sides facing one another. Moving closer towards him to feed off his warmth, I said nothing as I wordlessly snuggled against him. I sighed slowly, letting my eyelids come down again… and memorizing this stolen moment of eternity into my mind…

For I never wanted to forget this. Not ever.

* * *

_Snow:_

Breathing in the fresh daylight, I awoke with a smile on my face, lying nestled in the covers of my bed… feeling like that as long as Lightning was here with me, nothing bad could ever happen…

I exhaled peacefully, blinking groggily up at the ceiling before attentively looking beside me… and my heart sank precipitously when I saw that the beside next to me was empty, like no one had ever been there to begin with.

As if I couldn't believe the sight, I stared, unable to tear my eyes away from the empty bedside. Maybe a part of me believed that the longer I stared, the more I willed her to be here, that she would come back. But I was alone. Quite alone. My heart aching all over, numbly my head lolled against the pillow again. I had genuinely believed that she would have stayed, or at least woken me up to say goodbye… Or had she never actually been here at all? … Had it all just been another dream that would exist only inside my mind… the prison of which nearly all my ventures with Lightning had taken place? Hadn't I said to Lightning that it was hard to decipher dreams from reality? Last night, I had told her with such conviction that our encounter was just a dream, no different than any of the others, but the touch of her body, her scent, the vulnerable tremble in her voice, those goddamn eyes I could never get out of my head. How could none of it happened?! And now, the more I thought about it, the angrier I became. Because now, I couldn't decide what the truth was. Or rather, what truth would cause me the least amount of pain.

In the end though, did it really matter? My eyes steadied up on the ceiling, watching the rays of sunlight stretching across my dimensionless sky. There was no denying that morning was here. But not just any morning. Today was the day; the end of the world. The end of all that could have been between Lightning and I…

It was stupid, and I was foolish, but I didn't want it to be over. I had told Lightning so many things, so many promises that one night together would be enough. But it wasn't. It never would be, and I was not okay with it at all. I needed her here with me. I needed her now. And I'd be damned if I ever let her go this time.

Too agitated all of a sudden, my mind and body physically could not allow me to stay in bed any longer. My blood felt hot, surging into my brain as I lurched upright, pushing my blankets away from my sticky body as I swung my legs over the side. I staggered as I stood up, and briefly I regretted forcing myself along so hastily while the less dominant portion of my brain nastily reminded my impulsivity that I was still in half-sleep mode. But I wasn't. How could I be when every nerve in my body was trembling with such abhorrent distress and apprehension? I was so wired and unsettled and disconnected; I could feel the nerves bouncing around inside of me, but nothing else registered in my senses.

Pacing across my room, probably wearing a hole through the floor, I was more anxious then I had ever been in my entire life. At the end of today, Lightning would be gone forever. Not just physically… but wiped from my mind entirely, and I had no idea how to stop that from happening. All I knew and could feel the very core of my being was that I would do whatever it took to keep her with me. I had to do something… but what?! And how?!

I had to find her. That single formed in my head, and it was the most coherent and direct drive to have ever registered within me. I didn't know where to look first or what I'd do when I found her, but I had to find her. Maybe then, and only then, I would come up with some plan to keep her with me. I wouldn't lose her now, and I refused to lose her ever. And no God or ending of the world would stop me.

….Although the clock might.

When deadening horror, I finally glanced at the nearest clock and read off the time. It was 5:55, a time which to anyone else was completely meaningless. And it would have been meaningless to me as well had I not remembered Lightning's distinct warning to me last night before we both fell asleep: _"By six in the morning, no matter what I need to return back to the Ark… and then the end will begin."_

… And there were only five minutes before it would six o'clock. I had five min—Shit, four minutes!

Moving purely on instinct and adrenaline, I threw myself forward, my body was in full throttle as I clamored out of my room. I couldn't tell you how fast I was moving, or where exactly I was going, other than the fact that I was moving and I was going somewhere. Maybe my body just knew, maybe I this was all just wishful-thinking I would find her in time, and maybe it was a little bit of both. But none of it even mattered, and I didn't have time to psychoanalyze this! I didn't have_ time_ period. I had only _four _fucking minutes, if even that, and the last thing I would do is waste them on anything besides finding my way back to Lightning!

No. In these four minutes, I would run to her, embrace her furiously as I kissed her mouth and her everything passionately. In these four minutes, I would bind her to my side, I would face this ending world with her and end with it if given no other option. Because when I finally saw Lightning in the flesh, her form walking away from me, I knew without outstanding clarity that a world without Lightning in it was no world at all.

"_LIGHTNING!_"

Her aquamarine eyes flashed with genuine surprise as she whirled around to face me, paralysis phasing her for only just a moment before she came running to me as I ran to her more frantically than before, if that were possible. I was so out of breath, and I literally could not breathe or feel my own body, but I embraced her, our mouths molding together on instinct. It was as if we had stopped time ourselves, our bodies no longer effected by anything in the outside world. I did no need oxygen in my lungs to breathe; I breathed her in, and we breathed together. Damn, there was no way to describe how good this felt. After all this time, and all we had were these four fucking perfect minutes. And I didn't want to let go.

She clung to me, her grip like a vice and I invited it to take me over. With each touch, each desperate hungry kiss, I felt her kill and then save me over and over again and I did not care whether she was my damnation or my salvation. She was both and I wasn't sure which one I starved for more. Hoisting her up to straddle my waist, I pulled her against me sharply for closer contact, and her legs tightened around me. I could feel it in the strength of her legs and arms that crushed around my throbbing body that she didn't want to let me go either. We both were not satisfied, and four minutes were all we had. I felt her continue to take me over, pushing into me, scaring my body with her burning angelic touch. And I didn't want to let go.

Somewhere distantly, I heard another voice somewhere amongst the ragged breathing and soft moaning in-between each air-intake. I ignored it deliberately, indifferent to whatever it could have been as I kissed Lightning's face, kissing and sucking along her neck as I had her pressed up against the corridor wall. Then I heard the voice again, realizing finally that it was Hope as I was kissing Lightning's ears. He was saying something about it almost being six o'clock, which only depended my frustration and passion towards Lightning. I recognized the same frustration and passion in Lightning, watching from the corner of my eye while I claimed her mouth as she tore the headset out of her hair so she didn't have to hear Hope's warnings any more, holding on to me as tightly as she could. She didn't want to leave any more than me. And I didn't want to let go.

I felt Lightning's desperation increase, her nails sinking into my back, and only now was her touch having the opposite effect on me. Now I was terrified, because she was terrified. The tighter her grip on me became…the more she held on, the more I knew she was letting go, and it was beyond her control. We both could feel that she was letting me go, and I didn't want her to. I didn't want to let go.

She trembled against me, and as she came up from air I heard a weak sob break free from deep within her. God only knows how long she had kept those tears locked up inside of her, and now she couldn't stop. I refused to meet her eyes, kissing her slowly and deeply to prolong whatever was awaiting us in the next minute or so. I could not meet those kaleidoscopic aquamarine eyes, especially now that tears were cascading from them. If I ever did that, I knew that there would be no way I'd let her go.

So when I heard her loud whisper, I swore my heart burned into a million pieces:

"Let me go." That was what she said, and I pretended I did not hear her or comprehend the meaning of her words. I silenced her, and I felt her lips protesting against mine as I kept them smushed together. Her resolve was shaking, giving into me, and I knew she did not want to repeat her words. And I was glad… except that her words head still managed to get inside of my head. I felt them, throbbing and distracting me from enjoying whatever few seconds we had left. All I wanted was this, and I couldn't have it. I didn't want to let go… But I had to.

With an agonizing tremor wreaking havoc in my internal organs, I untangled our bodies, stepping back ever so slightly so Lightning was not flush against the wall. Our eyes met once again, and I was shown the illusion of hope that she would stay. Her eyes were strong, but sadness still plagued them. She touched my face, and I felt something in me die a little when I realized I could barely feel her touch. Already I was losing her, forgetting what she felt like. Around her was a halo of light, her body growing more and more transparent, and no matter how hard I tried to hold on to her, she was nearly gone.

Trying not the choke on the tears I was struggling to fight back, I held her eyes firmly. "This is not me letting you go." I needed to say it, I needed for her to know.

And she nodded calmly, her eyes telling me that she had already known. Her eyes were filled with more words than she had ever spoken. And with her unspoken words, she faded away before my very eyes.


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue – After Forever**

_Snow: _

_"__This is not me letting you go."_

I think about that day all the time. Yes, even now. I never stopped thinking about that day, those four precious minutes, the words I had spoken so solemnly, the way I felt. But even more so, I never stopped thinking about _her_…

I couldn't stop. And given the choice, I still wouldn't stop.

They—whoever "they" are exactly—always say that if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be… but the thing is, when you really love someone, there's no chance of you ever letting go.

And that's where I am right now.

On that final day, I wasted no time going after Lightning after she disappeared to return to the Ark. No matter what it took, I would find her; I would find a way to make her stay, to insure she came to the new world with the rest of us because if there was anyone who deserved a chance to live again, after the difficult life she had been forced to lead and all the sacrifices she made for everyone else, it was her. And I refused to let Bhunivelze steal her away everything that could have awaited her in the new world. I wanted her to be there…with or without me there with her. Even though I wanted to be there with her, I would gladly trade my freedom for hers. I didn't want to lose her, not ever, but if I was going to lose her either way, I'd rather lose her knowing that she had a chance to find real happiness in the new world.

Instinct had overtaken me, leading me to the Cathedral in Luxerion where Vanille was scheduled to perform the Soul Song. I had always held my own secret suspicions about the Order and their intentions; one way or another, I knew my Lightning, and I had a funny feeling that she shared the same unease about the Order as me. My instincts had steered me straight to Lightning, reuniting us for such a brief moment before we were torn apart by Bhunivelze. Again, I fought with everything in me. I had not come this far to give in now. I strained, listening and pursuing the sound of Lightning's voice as she battled against Bhunivelze, alone. My Lightning-she was so strong, but so alone, and all I wanted was to be fighting alongside. Being with her again, facing this end together whether it was in victory or defeat, was the only thought in my mind, and was the only thing I cared about. And miraculously, I felt the tight shackles of Bhunivelze's influence weakening, and with a surge of tenacity, I broke free.

In that moment, we had locked eyes, and Lightning could not even mask her astonishment and elation. All around us were our old comrades, just like in old times when we fought together. After so many centuries, here we were, reunited and still fighting together as we defied our fates. I had never felt more safe because then I knew that nothing could ever be that bad…because I had Lightning and everyone else with me. And if it ended here, then there was nothing I would change about this final moment together.

Against the most incredible odds though, it was through our union of wills that we defeated God. Whether he was dead or not was ambiguous, but Lightning was right there to remind us all that we would beat him back time and time again. Nobody, neither Gods or Fal'cie would rule over our lives. From this moment on, the world and the choices we made would belong to us…

… I only wished that it could be as simple as that. I was not free, not even close… and I was reminded of this when I saw Serah emerging and coming towards us from the pool of souls traveling to the new world.

I had always thought it would be easier somehow, ending my engagement to Serah to be with Lightning. But with Serah right there…right at my side the way it always supposed to have been…with Lightning looking onwards to us, finality resounding in her aquamarine eyes… I was beginning to understand that Lightning had been right all along. She and I were not free. In this new world, our roles had already been assigned, and it was something that had been set in stone a long time ago. I would marry Serah, as I had promised, and Lightning and I would live our lives constantly circling around each other; our lives intertwined but never joined.

I had gotten my wish to have Lightning in the new world to have a second chance at life, and at my expense. And I hoped, staring back into her eyes with never fleeting or faltering longing, that she would live a good, happy life in the new world…

_"__This is not me letting you go."_

I meant what I had said that day. I still mean that. Every day I mean it more and more…

* * *

Strolling under the sunlight slowly, feeling enraptured in the sun's wondrous warmth and shimmering glow as I made my way through the streets, my gaze panning to and fro. The sun felt beautiful today, with nothing else standing in its way as its guiding light shepherded me forward. Above and all around me, the sky was the perfect hue of robin's egg. Inhaling, I could smell the freshness of new fallen rain on the cobblestone.

To either side of me were ornately organized schemes of small scale stops, cafés, and open air markets positioned on the sidewalk. Playful flowers and grape vines laced the architecture and sewed the city scheme together beautifully. Everywhere I looked was a vast sea of people, coming and going, but never staying in one place for very long. But it was the same for me. Sometime I thought I had seen her, but it always turned out to be someone else. Constantly in motion, pushed along by the throng of people coming and going, I trudged forward. But I never gave up.

Along the way, I passed by a merchant selling roses and I gave in, buying one. Gazing upon the dainty flower, I couldn't not think of her, who in many ways was exactly like a rose: beautiful and fragile, guarding itself with thorns. Although the merchant had taken the liberty of trimming off the thorns, and as he handed me my purchase—a single red rose—my large hand closed around the stem, holding it firmly but conscientiously. As long as I was holding this rose, nothing bad would ever come to it. I would make sure of that.

Following the directions I had been given, I got in a taxi which brought me closer to my final destination. As the car slowed, the racing of increased. Just outside my window, I could see the brick town house we were parked in front of, the address crawled plainly in the crumpled, dampened paper in my hands. This had been the moment I had been yearning for, and yet something dangerous threatened to paralyze my entire body. Fumbling with my wallet in my clammy hands as I balanced the rose painstakingly on my lap, I paid my driver and thanked him. Nearly as soon as I exited the taxi, it sped off into the distance… as if to solidify the fact that from this moment forward, there would be no going back.

Taking a deep breathe, my muscle tense and springing as my flight or fight response came over me, I chose to endure the fight. Crossing the distance, I bounded up the stone steps leading up to the door, hesitating not even for a second as I rattled my knuckles against the door. Silence resounded my knock, and impatiently knocked again with a more fervent intensity. Still, silence was my only reply.

Exhaling with a rush of anxiousness and frustration, I brushed my free hand through my hair, brushing through it repeatedly as my fingers continued to fumble uncooperatively. In my head, I couldn't help jumping to wild conclusions. She didn't want to see me, she was furious at me, she hated me. I wouldn't blame her for it, but at the same time, all I wanted was to see her face again. Just one more time. No, I know it wouldn't fix anything; "One more time" would forever be my mantra, because I couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't, and didn't want to stay away. And I wanted to believe that she felt that magnetism too.

And if she didn't…

A sudden chill eroded at the marrow of my bone, my fears of rejection staring me right in the face as I stood in unwinning staring contest with a closed door. Was this door my rejection, or was it yet another protective shield she put up to prevent me from getting close to her. If it was the latter, then I had no qualms with busting down this door. We had come too far just to quit now because she was afraid. Hell, I was afraid too. I wouldn't be such a tangled ball of nerves if I wasn't scared shitless. Because I loved her, I loved her and whatever it took, I would work every day of this life and into the next to make her believe in me.

Recharged as adrenaline fired through my veins, I pounded against the door, leaning my face in close as I spoke, "Lightning, please, if you're there, open the door. Lightning?" I waited for a response, and still got nothing. "Lightning, it's me Snow…" I let my name sink in—because I knew she just had to be listening—before continuing, "Light, I really need to speak to you."

It was after this lack of response that something in me just broke, and I hammered at the door desperately, "LIGHT!"

"What?" A voice—one that made my heart stop short and stumble over itself as I turned around to face the speaker—snapped at me from behind. My mouth fell open stupidly as I met her all-too-familiar eyes; the eyes that always changed colors from blue, to green, to gray, and sometimes all three at once. I knew those eyes, that authoritative look, that long rosy hair that fell in wistful curls over one shoulder, that long lean frame… I knew all of her all too well. And as I saw her now, for the first time in what seemed like forever, she appeared to be the same and yet somehow different. I couldn't exactly put my finger on what it was…

But that was when I decided: whatever it was that was different, she was more beautiful than I had ever remembered her to be.

My heart was swelled tightly in my chest, and I practically couldn't breathe. Both of us just stood there, suspended in time Subconsciously, I think somehow I stumbled down the stone steps onto the paved pathways, my entire focus concentrated on the woman watching me on the sidewalk curb nearly ten feet away. I didn't think that she would approach me in return... but when she did, I literally could not feel any oxygen reaching my lungs. She was an apparition, a beautiful divine being, stepping forward into the light, her colors in full intensity as the sunlight carved around her body rather than washing her out. She was…very much so, more beautiful radiant than the sun.

"What the hell was that all about?" Lightning's voice snapped me out of my trance, only to then pull me right back in as my heart remembered how much I adored the unique and low cadence and quality of her voice. At my complete inability to speak, Lightning folded her arms across her chest, smirking as her gaze traced my face. Her eyes were scrutinizing every inch of me, as if nothing about me could be concealed. She saw me, she saw me through everything.

After a while, Lightning relaxed a bit, exhaling. "If I came back any later, who's to say that you wouldn't have already busted down my door." She was still smirking at me, gentle amusement registered in her eyes. It took me slightly off guard to see Lightning being this light-hearted… again, she was very much still the same Lightning I remembered, but now there was so much more. So much more that Lightning had never allowed anyone to see. And in that regard, it truly felt like Lightning and I were finally meeting for the first time…

Managing a laugh, I grinned sheepishly, looking down slightly as I rubbed the back of my neck. "Uh, yeah, um, I may have gotten a little inpatient."

To this, Lightning also chuckled, uncrossing her arms and letting them swing down to her side. "No kidding. Not that patience has ever been a virtue that you've possessed." We both exchanged a knowing look and I couldn't help but laugh again. Lightning smirked again, arching her finely sculpted eyebrows, "Did it ever occur to you that I might not have been home? Or do you flatter yourself by think I'd put myself through all that commotion just to ignore you?"

Laughing harder in embarrassment, I didn't even have to think about my response as it flowed out of me in the gusts of laughter. "Not really," I admitted truthfully.

Lightning rolled her eyes sardonically, growing quiet and vigilant again like the solider I remembered. She did not speak again, her eyes still grazing the features on my face before settling their gaze on one place. Fearlessly, she held my eyes, and instinctively, I did the same.

"Oh!" With a sweeping gesture—which was probably far overdone—I offered up the rose I had bought earlier, holding it in the space between us as I gave her a cheeky smile. "When I was passing through, I bought this for you. I…" suddenly an uncharacteristic fluster bubbled up inside of me, causing me to lose the confidence in my speech as I stumbled around trying to regain my previous momentum, "Well I, hoped you might like receiving a flower."

Lightning glanced from me to the flower, and to my surprise, she actually smiled as she accepted my gesture, clasping one hand around the stem, holding the rose upright, as she pulled it closer to her bosom. She peered down at her, inhaling ever so lightly, before looking up and meeting my eyes. "Thank you, Snow."

I grinned effortlessly in reply, an intense diffusion of warmth and affection spreading in my chest. "Hey, don't mention it. It's been such a long time since I've seen you, and I wanted to get you something. I'm sorry it's not much."

She didn't say anything in reply, neither did she shake or head or shrug me off; she just stared at me in earnest. And so I mirrored her and did the same.

"It's good to see you again," I finally said, offing her a smile and nodding in confirmation of my words as I spoke them. "I've missed you, Light—er," Quickly I caught myself, shaking my head in dismissal. "Sorry, I'm so used to calling you that. Your sister told me that you went back to using your real name…."

I watched as she nodded, authorizing this was in fact true before I spoke her name, testing it out of myself, "…Claire." As I spoke her name, I could practically see my words transforming, changing as the sounds danced across my tongue. Her name floated out of me on my exhaled breath, hovered in the air between us. And I knew that both of us could feel it; that everything had changed.

Addressing Lightning by any other name felt surreal, but as I looked at her now, stared into her eyes, I realized that the woman standing in front of me truly was more than just the Lightning I remembered. This woman—Claire—she was more Lightning than Lightning had ever been. And in this sense, there was almost a sad mourning, combined with the joy that makes the most complicated revelations feel so bittersweet; my Lightning was gone, replaced by Claire, a happier and more complete person.

For once, I was absolutely speechless, plagued with disturbances of self-doubt. Long ago, another lifetime ago, I had fallen in love with a woman who had looked exactly as the woman standing before me now. But everything had now since changed. We're we supposed to pick up where we left off… or not? Was there anything to pick up from? Or was this the point where I was supposed to finally let her go?

Pushing those thoughts down, I made an effort to forget. "So… how has your life been?" I asked smoothly.

"It's been good," Claire responded, nodding receptively with a faint pull of a smile. "Busy, but I've been good." She paused, her eyes panning my face again. In those kaleidoscopic eyes, I saw the scope of memories fill them as she turned her gaze down from mine. And then I heard her voice, fragile strength ringing in my ears, "I'm still trying to get used to everything in this new life… figuring out who I am, and where I'm supposed to go from here. The world has changed, and so have I. I was so cold…separated from everything and everyone… but I want to do everything differently this time." Enraptured in what she was saying, I was prepared for her too look back up into my eyes, nor with such intense determination, "It's a lot of stumbling around… but I'm finally awake."

"I'm really happy for you," I told her, smiling genuinely.

Claire nodded solemnly to me, "Thank you, Snow."

That was all she said. Still she watched me, her eyes softened and sharpened by inquisitive curiosity. In them, she told me everything, and absolutely nothing at all.

As awful as it sounded, I almost wondered if Claire would be better off without me in her life. In this world, everything was coming together for her, and she was finally happy. And she had said it herself, she was still trying to figure everything out. The last thing she needed was me complicating all of that, and I refused to stand in her way to true happiness and finding who she wanted to be.

I hadn't realized how long I had resigned myself to silence until Claire spoke up in my stead. "And you? How are you doing in the new world?"

"Uh," I shook my head, my dizzy, unsettled thoughts becoming even more disjointed. "Good, yeah, good. Busy too." I honestly had no idea what to say, or how to describe what my life here had been like thus far. Finally, I swallowed, the hard lump lodged in my loosening as I went to speak. "I guess it's been just as you described… that process of still sorting everything out and trying to make sense of everything that happened. For me… I guess you could say its hard to live with those memories and still try to keep pushing forward. Like I want to be able to live for right now, here in this new bright future and world we made… but not while acting like our pasts don't matter." I paused, wetting my bottom lip anxiously as I saw Claire's eyes widened. I exhaled in a small puff, "I still want that… and maybe that's why part of me is still stuck in that past. Everything has changed, us and this world…. But I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye."

Claire was thoughtfully silently, her gaze still steady on me. Slowly, she shook her head, her gaze lowering as she spoke quietly, "Of course our past still matter…" Claire looked back up to me, "A long time ago, I probably would have said the exact opposite… I was…" she averted my eyes again, "...always trying to forget, or push it down so I wouldn't be pained by any memories. I… I didn't want to feel dragged down."

She paused, and I dared not interrupt her mid-thought. Unwaveringly, I watched her, more patient and eager than I had ever been. Back and forth, I watched the bud of the rose spin as Claire twisted the stem, pinched between the soft pads of her fingers. Finally, I noticed Claire shake her bowed head as her voice and eyes rose up to meet me.

"But," she said in a measured voice, "…what I'm beginning to understand is that I can't forget all the things and roads that got me here." Claire paused, holding my gaze earnestly. I could not tell if it was in longing and desire for me… or merely just a desire for me to truly understand her. She went on, "What has happened, happened, and nothing can change that now. No matter what has happened, good or bad, I can't forget any of it because they have made me who I am… And if I am to really understand who I am or where I go from here, I can't afford to just forget and pretend that nothing ever happened."

Her words were still reverberating in my mind long after she had finished speaking without my knowing. I was still stunned as I regained my composure, struggling to come up with something intelligible to say in response. Needless to say, I was impressed, as I always had been by the extraordinary woman before me. She really was stronger and more extraordinary than she ever had been, and in ways I had never seen before. Not until now… bearing her heart to me after all these years.

"Li—Claire…" I stopped myself there, inhaling deeply as my heart took off racing in my chest.

"Serah told me you called off your engagement," Claire said tentatively, yet her gaze was direct. Not exactly accusatory, but it unnerved me all the same. "Why?"

I had seen this question coming, but still it stunned me in the way she came out and asked me out of left field. "W-Why? You, that's—that's why." There I had said it. No beating around the bush. I had had all this time on my journey up here to decide how I wanted to tell her and explain my side, but in the end, the blunt untidied truth was what tumbled from my mouth.

A dark passion took hue in Claire's eyes, and wide-eyed she stared back at me, her gaze bold and powerful, but trembling with emotion. And I know I was trembling too as I closed the distance between us. But I did not falter.

"Claire Farron…" I inhaled and exhaled her name, cherishing ever bit of saying and hearing it. "I have loved you for hundreds of years, and standing here before you, I still do love you." Claire's chest rose sharply at my confession, and I noticed her swallow anxiously. She was all my hopes and desires…. She was perfect, and I wanted to hear her tell me she loved me too… but more than that, I realized there was something I wanted much, much more….

I went on, "You know that. I know that's selfish, but you need to know that I meant what I said to you on that last day. I-I," my voice was beginning to break as emotion rose in my chest and entered my throat, "I never let you go. You told me not to let you go, and I didn't. I won't ever let you go, not ever again… Until you tell me to let go."

"What?" Claire's eyes became even more owlish in size as she stared at me, disbelieving.

But I shook my head, "No Claire. If you tell me to let you go, then I will…" Claire was stilling staring at me, her lips formed in her frown as her eyes swam in inquisitive, imploring emotion. Sighing, I resisted against everything in me to pull Claire into me and never release her from my arms. My heart ached tremendously as I reached back through my memory. "Do you remember what else I told you?" I asked her, pausing before continuing, "You always have a choice. Whether it's me, or something else, whatever it is, I just want to know that it is what you have chosen for yourself. And I want you to know that I will never choose for you, and to the best of my ability, I'll damn well try to respect whatever you choose."

Claire didn't speak at first, her mouth parted ever so slightly without ever attempting. She stared at me, trying to absorb as much of what I had said as possible, but I could see it plainly in her eyes that she couldn't make sense of it. There was confliction, and I felt it as well. And it was tearing me at the seams.

Finally Claire made a soft scoffing sound, a familiar sardonic noise I remember her often making. "You tell me I have a choice," she said in a half mumble, half hushed whisper, "But then you go and say something like that that's so…"

She didn't finish her thought, and I badly needed her to. I desperately need to know how that sentence was supposed to finish. "That's so what?" I pressed, keeping my voice low and steady, "What were you going to say?"

Shaking her head, Claire exhaled an unenergetic laugh that got muted in her expelled breath. "Persistent as always, Hero." I sucked in a short breath, my heart racing as I watched her staring back at me, smiling coyly. As if nothing had happened, Claire looked down, solicitously gazing at the rose. She angled her head to the side ever so subtly, her long bangs blowing into her eyes and obscuring their gaze from me.

Before she even looked up to me again, I already knew that she wouldn't answer my question. But he looked me straight in the eyes anyways. "So what about you? Where are you going from here?"

Gazing back at her, my longing for her unquestionably plagued in my eyes, I found that her face was a map of all the places I had been and everywhere I wanted to be. Exhaling, my eyes panned up towards the sky, looking for a new set of coordinates. "Honestly," I finally told Claire, still staring up at the sky. "I'm not quite sure. I think I'm going to do a little self-exploration myself… really go out and see this new world for myself." My gaze lowered, refocusing on Claire as I smiled to her. "And who knows what I may find. I guess it's the best course of action for me while I figure things out here. Not sure where to start, but I'm sure if I just keeping going, I'll find my way."

Claire nodded. "You always do," she commented, smirking lightheartedly. We exchanged a long stare before she looked down to her rose, fiddling with it and then looking up to me in a hurry. "I should probably just let you carry on your way then." Taking a deep breath, she uncomfortably scooted around me without making any further eye-contact, passing me by in the direction of her house. It took every ounce of self-control not to look back to her, but as soon as her voice called out my name, my body spun towards her faster than I could even comprehend.

She just stood there, her hands folded down in front of her with the rose still clasped in them, her eyes holding mine. Her phantasmagoric eyes, even though watching me from a distance, were still gazing deep into my soul, holding me here. And then her fine mouth moved, delivering one word,

"Impossible."

Furrowing my brow in completely blindsided misunderstanding, I cocked my head and stared dumbly at Claire. "Huh?"

She smirked, but only for a moment as the entirety of her gaze and expression remained solemn. "That was what I was going to say. Before when I didn't finish my sentence."

I did get it. Clearly. I couldn't even remember what the first part of that sentence had been.

"You… and what you said, are both impossible," Claire clarified. "You spend centuries in love with a woman you can't be with, and still you persisted after her. Impossible is the only word that accurately describes you. Impossible to reason with, impossible for me to wrap my brain around… but impossible to forget." She paused, her eyes deepening with earnest passion. "Impossible for me to let go of."

Outwardly, I did not respond, even though in my mind I had already engulfed Claire in my arms and was kissing her more fervently than I had before. I guess it was because I had no idea how Claire wanted me to respond. I had heard what she had said, but she was still just standing there. I wasn't sure if she was being matter-of-fact, or whether she wanted me to come to her. But then she spoke again, moving back towards me slowly. I held my breath, my heart hammering in my throat. And then there she was, right beside me staring up into my eyes.

"You said that you would only let go of me if I explicitly told you to let me go. Is that right?" she asked solemnly, no single traceable emotion betraying her.

And I nodded. "Yeah."

Without saying another, Claire reached over, taking my hand inside her own and filling the spaces between my fingers with her own before curling them and clasping my hand firmly so our palms touched. Instinctively, I squeezed her hand back. There were no more empty spaces between our interlocked hands. I kept waiting and waiting for Claire to say something, but instead she just continued to look down at our hands, studying them with meticulous concentration. And then finally, she did look up towards me, a soft, almost faint smile ghosting her lips as she earnestly held my eyes.

"Okay," she said simply. And after waiting forever and a day, that was all she had to say.


End file.
